Pandora Features I Need To See, Like, Yesterday

Workin' a soul-crushing office job, 89-93% of the quality of my life is directly determined by Pandora's ability to discover a cheesy late-90s middle-school-dance song that I'd completely forgotten existed. A strategically placed boost of Tal Bachman's "She's So High" is the difference between chirping cheerily on the phone, or storming out for an "I QUIT!" coffee break. I -- I take my Pandora seriously. And, after much measured thought, here are a few features I think could make my life even better:


An "I need you never to play any version of this song again" button: Yeah, Pandora, it's not that I don't want to hear Jack Johnson's "Bubble Toes" -- I just want to hear it live.

Skip whole artist: I'm sorry, world, I'm just never going to like The Beatles. I do, however, apparently like George Harrison's solo work? (Don't tell Pandora, though. I finally got it to stop playing "Hard Day's Night".)

Commercials that won't make me sound like a pervert to my boss: Why do I have so many Trojan commercials advertised?!

"Great song but not for this station": When I get a song I love, I need to jump on it immediately, but it's led to some kind of weird situations. Like my current favorite '80s Pop Slash Middle School Dance Party Jamz. Clearly my love for Edwin McCain's "I'll Be" deserves its own station.

Toggle controls for objective song qualities: I know the whole point of Pandora is that we don't even know all the qualities that make us love a song, but there are a few things I'm sure of. I know I prefer: fast songs, male vocalists, and hilarious accents.
I guess what I'm really looking for is a station that plays The Proclaimers' "I Would Walk 500 Miles" on a permanent loop, broken only by the complete discography of Matchbox 20.
...no, seriously. What're you looking for?
Posted by TKOG of Not That Kind of Girl.

8 comments:

magnolia said...

the radically inappropriate commercials are why i spent the $36 a year for the ad-free version.

and i ADORE my tom waits radio station. basically nothing but him and ryan adams on an endless loop. magic.

Stephanie said...

Ohhhh so with you on the inappropriate commercials. I work at a school, and I definitely had to stop playing my cool jazz station as background music the whole time they were advertising that Natalie Portman sex movie. (No Strings Attached?) Reallll awkward.

I've been using their genre radio stations feature a lot recently, so what I need from Pandora is an "um, pardon me, but that's not the correct decade" button. Cause really, it's not that I dislike that song, it's just that it's interrupting my 80s jam with its early 2000s beat. And I'm not cool with that.

Diana said...

How about - I like this song because of the lyrics but I don't like anything else by this artist. Or I like the musician but only her upbeat songs while I'm at work, please. And Amen to I really don't want to hear The Beatles every day, no matter that you think I'll like them.

Rachelle said...

I have a 36 dollar a year pandora one habit. Commercial free and you can listen to more than 40 hours a month ect. By the way if you click on menu you can move a song to another station that you think if fits into.

Anastasia said...

Seriously. I like to call the first one i fucking hate this song. And i want a I really love this song. Not just thumbs up, but I die button.

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