Things I Didn't Learn Until Embarrassingly Late In Life

We all have momentary lapses of intelligence, right? When you forget the name of your co-worker. or your PIN. or how to drive a stick shift. But what about those things that you simply failed to learn until embarrassingly late in life? Some of the knowledge that came to me shamelessly late in life:

How to pronounce chaos and island
Now, I knew that the there was a word that sounded like "kay-aws" that meant crazy disorganization. And I was aware that "eye-land" was a bit of land surrounded by water. But connecting the words island and chaos with these two concepts? Beyond me.
Age learned: 12

Using the next button when scrolling through email
Seriously, I just kept clicking back to return to my inbox and then selecting the next email. What?!
Age learned: 30

How to walk in heels
It took me a pair of 1.5 ince wedges and three months of walking like Peg Bundy to break into heels. And even now, I'm pretty impressed that I can manage 1.5 inch heels. Anything above 2 inches is beyond me. But I'm getting there!
Age learned: 29

The location of Cambodia
This probably doesn't seem that embarrassing. I mean, half of America probably can't locate their own state on a map. But I was living in Taiwan at the time, planning a backpacking trip through Southeast Asia and my mind was officially blown when a friend mentioned taking a bus from Vietnam into Cambodia. A bus?! What? Isn't everything in S.E. Asia an island?
Age learned: 26

The capitol of my own state
What? Yes. I'm from Minnesota. Wouldn't one expect the capitol to be Minneapolis? To add insult to injury, my dad teaches Minnesota history and I somehow managed to complete his class without retaining this information.
Age learned: 13

What did you learn embarrassingly late in life?

Posted By Sarah Von


Anonymous said...

I didn't learn how to put my own hair into a ponytail until I was 15 0_o Until then, I was all headbands all the time.

Enna said...

That we are not pledging allegiance to Richard Stands.

"I pledge allegiance to the republic for Richard Stands..."

Age Learned: 17 (that is cringeworthy right there.)

hillary said...

I went from not knowing how to wear heels at beginning of 2008 when I was 29 to now at 31 walking in 4.5 inch heels! ahahha

Chelsea said...

I didn't know that vending machines didn't accept pennies until I was at least 13... why don't they, anyway? Haha!

That Kind of Girl said...

Similar to your first one, I didn't connect the spelling of "epitome" to the word I knew was pronounced "eh-PIT-uh-me" until one embarrassing day when I was 14.

Can't believe you didn't know the capital of Minnesota, though! Man, had you never even been to Minnesota City?!)

Jessica said...

I'm 34 now.

Sometime in my mid-to-late 20s I realized the lyrics to the Whitesnake song "Here I Go Again" is not "like a TWISTER I was born to walk alone" but rather "like a DRIFTER I was born to walk alone". Hey, both are loners, right??!

And sometime around age 30 I realized that the KC in KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce referred to Kansas City. And I had been to Kansas City and eaten barbeque there! And I love food and consider myself quite aware of things in general. Duh!

My pronounciation/spelling thing that I figured out about two years ago (at 32) was that "reticent" is pronounced "RET-i-cent" and not "re-TICE-ant" when saying it out loud to a coworker. I had never heard it said before, I guess.

Anonymous said...

yo superalzy, I'm with you! Ponytails were hard! I had to lie upside down off of my bed to get a good one going!

Also, The United Kingdom confused me so I ignored it's geography as long as I could.

Anonymous said...

I still can't walk in heels. Maybe I'll learn by the time I'm 29...

Imogen said...

Great post! I think everyone has something that they learn late in life. I agree with the previous comment about hair. I learned to do my hair in a ponytail very late and it was probably not until I was 13. I will keep thinking of others because it is interesting to think about.

Ayomide said...

-"Similar to your first one, I didn't connect the spelling of "epitome" to the word I knew was pronounced "eh-PIT-uh-me" until one embarrassing day when I was 14."

Same here! I pronounced it ep-ee-tome until I was...17! Seriously.

-What cities are to the east and west of mine. I know the cities around me, but I had no idea what direction you had to go in to get there. i never learned how to drive, so i was never forced to develop a sense of direction!
Learned: yesterday, after living in the same city for years.

Long division and multiplication past 10. I hate math. hate. it. i resisted learning how to do basic math all the way throughout elementary school. and then we all started needed calculators so I never had to learn! but when I got to university, and all of a sudden, not knowing basic math started to screw me over because calculators arent always allowed, or convenient to use. so i sucked it up and got a tutor.
age learned: 18. sad. I know.

Eyeliah said...

uhoh, this is embarrassing....
snaping my fingers, age 14.
proper table manners, 19 (ugh I know).
drive a car (still haven't).

Elizabeth. said...

I'm 25, and I only learnt this year that Sydney Rd is called Sydney Rd because it's the road that connects to the Hume Highway and takes you to Sydney. Duh. Now I wonder if there is an equivalent Melbourne Rd in Sydney...

Sometimes Somersaults said...

You're hilarious. Seriously! I miss funny people.

Keep up the awesome work. I may have to join the ranks of a list addict. And all this time I've been poo-pooing my husband's so called list making.

kathryn-louisa said...

Hahaha I love this! My best friend didn't learn that you could use the shift button to capitalise letters when typing and instead has been turning caps lock on and off every time she wanted a capital letter! Also, I still can't do long division - if somebody goes through it with me, I understand and can follow it, but doing it myself, no way!!


Whitters said...

The location of Las Vegas. I've been there twice. And driven through it at least six times. I thought it was in northern Nevada. All of a sudden driving through it from Southern California to Southern Utah made a lot more sense.

Age learned: 21. Yeah.

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