Totally Defensible Crushes I Nursed Before The Age Of 13 (and still kind of want to do something about now)


There's something weirdly adorable about the crushes we have before achieving technical sexual maturity. I mean, you can angst over that hot guy from Sesame Street all you want, but what do you think you're going to do with him?! Here are a few of my girlhood crushes that, even as a woman, I'm pretty sure I could pass a few well-utilized hours with.

Leo DiCaprio: I, like every other screaming tween in the mid-90s, nursed a tragic yearning for the Titanic golden boy. But unlike those other twits, I understood him. And now that he's put on a few pounds and beefed up his acting chops, I once again wouldn't mind calling myself Mrs. DiCaprio-- as long as he doesn't mind pillow-talking long, technical discussions about the rest of Martin Scorsese's oeuvre.

David Duchovny: Twelve years and many, many gigabytes of X-Files fanfiction later, I still believe, Mulder. Specifically, I believe that you're a stone fox. Call me.

Adam Sandler: Oh wait, I said defensible? Okay, this is guilty pleasure territory, but "Big Daddy" is in my top twenty movies of all-time. Plus, I like the gentle middle-aged schtick he's fallen into. Better than his crass bodily-fluid joke days, anyway.

A not-dead Neal Cassady, of Jack-Kerouac's-less-famous-little-buddy fame: Just to clarify, that's not-dead, not undead. I may have been dragged to the first two Twilight movies, but I'm not that far gone.

Alec Baldwin: Although this one's kind of straddling the tween line, 'cause I'm pretty sure his gravel-voiced monologue in Glengarry Glen Ross is the moment that made me a woman.

Hmm, now that I think of it, I started liking all of these guys more after they put on a little weight. Except the corpse of Neal Cassady, which I'd imagine looks pretty much the same -- graverobbers pending. Which pre-teen crushes are you still carrying a little torch for, dudes?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind of Girl.

16 comments:

Melanie's Randomness said...

I agree with Leonardo Dicaprio!! My list also has David Boreanaz on it & Mark Paul Gosselar!! =)

Alyssa said...

dude, totally leo.
i've seen him in a few things lately and it brought me back to my days of diggin him in those episodes of growing pains.

VMT said...

Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Him in suits ALONE made Inception worth the ticket price. And Leo. And Tom Hardy.

Kalei's Best Friend said...

My middle one had a major crush on duchovny... I dated a dude that got mistaken for duchovny alot...

magnolia said...

i agree wholeheartedly with all of this, but especially leo. he was the highlight of "inception," for sure.

Herself said...

Mine is embarrassing.

The teenage version of Simba from the Lion King.

*hangs head in cartoon related shame*

styckywycket said...

I am 100% on-board with you with 2010 Leo and David Duchovny (of any year).

David Duchovny, why won't you love me...?

I also had 90s Val Kilmer on my list. If that Val showed up on my doorstep, I'd run away with him and not look back.

Ladytink_534 said...

James Marsters, Skeet Ulrich, Matthew Lillard, and Seth Green.

GalloIsGod said...

Joey from New Kids on the block...All the way!!!!!!!!!!!!

That Kind Of Girl said...

@Ladytink_534: Oh man, Seth Green! I had a crush on him in "Can't Hardly Wait" (where I went for my first-ever date -- awwwww!) and, man, the years have only improved him. Good addition to the list!

Amber said...

For the most part, we seem to have had the same crushes. The really weird thing about my Leo crush was that it started after I watched "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" I'm not exactly sure what that says about me.

Suniverse said...

Duchovony? Ding.
Baldwin? Ding.
Seth Green? Ding.

And, for some unfathomable reason, Giovanni Ribisi. It's like I have a fetish for him.

That Kind Of Girl said...

@Suniverse: Oh my gosh, Giovanni Ribisi! I forgot all about him! Dude! Now I want to download Boiler Room, watch it on mute, and giggle for two straight hours. He's so cute. (I also miiiight have a small crush on Vin Diesel, and, though I prefer him in The Pacifier, admit he's mighty fine in Boiler Room...)

Oh my gosh. I just called a guy "fine". This conversation has rendered me one semi-ironic Lisa Frank binder away from being 11 again.

RMb said...

best list ever.

seth green, giovanni ribisi (did you know his twin sister is married to beck?!!!), mathew perry, etc etc...

That Girl said...

Andrew Knott. He played Dickon in the 1993 version of Secret Garden, and I was in love for years.

Also...Zac Hanson.

nikki said...

Greg Lougainis. I have no idea if I spelled that last name correctly, but I was absolutely smitten watching that man dive. Probably it was my first gay man crush. He's still pretty foxy.

Also the guy who played Vinnie Del Pino on Doogie Howser. My NPH crush didn't start until the first Harold and Kumar movie, though most of my girlfriends loved him as Doogie. I had a thing for Doogie's window climbing best bud, Vinnie.

Speaking of window climbers, I also kind of loved the guy who played Sam on Clarissa Explains it All.

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