Standing Alone - And Being O.K. With It

by Suniverse


I know I'll probably lose a lot of people here and I'll come off as some kind of cranky old person [which I am, so whatever] but I can't handle hiding this anymore. Here is a list of things that people seem to love - TO LOVE! - that I cannot tolerate.  


The Office.  Seriously, that show is ridiculously bad.  IT IS NOT FUNNY. A single sidelong glance when someone is being a douche is funny.  A show built on the premise that that's all you have to do to bring the funny? Is lazy and un-funny.

As a subtopic - Steve Carrell.  Not funny on The Daily Show, not funny on The Office, not funny in The 40-Year Old Virgin or that execrable movie with Tina Fey.  In order to be deadpan funny, you have to be FUNNY.  CF: Leslie Neilsen.  You can't just mope around, idiot-like, shlumping in your every-day doofusness.  You need to be able to bring it. And he cannot.


As a further subtopic - Judd Apatow Movies. Just awful. Not funny, not smart, not "Oh, so true to life!" They are a masturbatory exercise by a guy who thinks I AM THEREFORE I AM FUNNY.  You. Are. Not.

Roasted Garlic. It tastes like burned feet. It ruins everything it touches.  Either use garlic, or don't, but stop making that awful, awful paste and slathering it on stuff.  It's not good.

What have you got, friends? Anyone left out?

20 comments:

V. Furnas said...

You had me at that picture, hilarious!

Anonymous said...

I agree with you about The Office. But roasted garlic?!?! Seriously?!?! I think its one of the single most delicious things about there. I could practically devour it completely on it's own (though it goes AMAZINGLY well with red wine!!). - Okay, I'm getting hungry...

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you on the roasted garlic. It is SO BITTER! I prefer raw garlic, any day.

Kittie Flyn said...

AMEN!

I cannot stand the Office. I know Michael Scott is supposed to be awkward and obnoxious but he's too over the top...also while I do find a few Aptow movies funny I don't understand the allure. Maybe if I got high I'd be willing to sit through his movies.

magnolia said...

i'm with you on everything but roasted garlic, provided that the garlic is appropriately marinated before roasting. i like the texture.

i did like "funny people," which is an apatow movie, but i think it's the exception that proves the rule with him. by it being so good, it makes the other things he does look that much dumber and vacuous by comparison.

Caz said...

i agree with all but the roasted garlic bit... I could eat that shit three meals a day on and in everything. Yum.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, "The Office" (UK or US) was about 3 x 1 minute sketches stretched out into several hours.

That and I've never worked with that number of idiots in that small of an office.

HM said...

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. I'll still read your lists I suppose... :P

Breann said...

I agree with all these points! My husband loves the Office. While I may chuckle once per episode (usually if someone falls down, I am a sucker for slapstick) I generally read or blog or avoid the room when he is watching it.
The only Steve Carrell movie I like is Dan in Real Life. He isn't his typical character and enough awkwardness happens that you generally forgive him for being... Steve.

dee said...

I am so with you about The Office. I just don't get the allure.

BlackLOG said...

So with you on the “American” Office a very poor relation of the original Office….2 rocking series and Ricky Gervais walks away with a classic to savour as opposed to 10 gazillion series and a plot line stretched thinner than butter on an economy sandwich which makes Steve Carrell look like the burnt garlic of the comedy acting world…..

Not sure who Judd Apatow is but I’m guessing that’s not a bad thing, my life certainly did not improve after I discovered the twin horror that is Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler…sad thing is when they stop gooning about and try and act properly they manage to raise their games to mediocre shit….

rlschofield said...

I agree with you 100%

Style Maniac said...

I sometimes think I'm the only person in the blogosphere who does not like cupcakes. At all. Think it'll get me kicked out?

(I do like the early seasons of The Office though. Hilarious.)

today i said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog. How can you not like The Office (UK version of course)! :)

Los Schoenys said...

Justin Bieber, anything Kardashian, Ben Stiller movies

sbo said...

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Anonymous said...

you are a poop poop head, boring to read, and probably boring to talk to in real life.

Andi-Roo said...

I hate pointy-toed shoes, which all other women seem to adore. They make your feet look STUPID, people. I also hate when so-called classy stay-at-home-wives sell stuff like makeup or bowls or candles or jewelry... awwww, did your picket fence get too expensive to afford? Or are you feeling the need to contribute? Or are you trying to "find" yourself? *blah*

K A B L O O E Y said...

Definitely in agree to disagree territory here. It feels like that pivot point in the relationship -- when it goes from "I know; me toooo!" to "Really? You're going to chew like that for the rest of your life?" Not deal-breakers, though. Things I can't stand: detectable egg whites (I'm fine about cake, yo), vanilla, aspic, young conservatives, The Three Stooges, Kevin Costner, Journey, Abba. Also not too high on mayo. There seems to be a whiteness theme emerging...

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