Top Five Headaches

Not That Kind of Girl is on a blog project to do 250 totally uncharacteristic things by August 2010. Staying in all night and taking a bubble bath to nurse a serious migraine, though? Yeah, she was already that kind of girl.

1) Too-Tight Hair Tie Headache: This one only adds insult to injury. Inevitably it starts when I wake up too late for work to shower, so I pull my hair back into as neat a ponytail as I can muster. Then, for the next eight to ten hours, my head throbs dully. “Great,” I think, “not only am I having a crappy hair day, but my head is killing me!” When I finally get home and let down my hair, the pain subsides … and I feel like a total idiot.

2) You’re So Dumb That It Physically Pains Me To Hear You Talk Headache: A medical anomaly most commonly experienced around the new girlfriends of one’s exes. Particularly new girlfriends who have shrill, reedy voices. And are telling you that you’re oh my gawd sooooo not as cute as she thought you’d be.

3) Blood Loss Headache: This one I first experienced on the Fourth of July, 2008, after accidentally jamming an ice pick all the way through the palm of my left hand. I’ve subsequently re-experienced it a few times a year or so – usually after blithely traipsing through broken glass while barefoot. Blood Loss Headache feels like an Overcaffeinated Headache, but woozier.

4) Mental Overdrive Headache: Most commonly experienced while cramming for a big test or attempting to memorize a long list of information, the Mental Overdrive Headache makes you feel as though your skull is literally shuddering like an overstocked boiler. Each new piece of information you add increases the risk that any second now – KABLOOEY.

5) Sinus Pressure Headache: By far the most insidious of the lot. After fifteen minutes with a Sinus Pressure Headache, I’m digging frantically through the kitchen for my Fourth of July ice pick. Okay, so four out of five doctors recommend Excedrin, but my inner Doctor #5 says that drilling manual pressure relief holes is the only road to headache-free living.

What headaches do you experience?


Daman Tiwana said...

the too tight hair tie and the sinus one are the ones i get most!

carissajaded said...

I have number two all day long at my place of work. And then when I leave work. But it's mostly self inflicted...

RazorCandy said...

Ahhh the too-tight ponytail headache... is the story of my life. Also the post-exam sugar withdrawal headache.

My absolute FAVE, though, is the "my boobs are too big and my bra is making my shoulder and neck muscles attack me" headache.

Laura said...

Ponytail Headache is the worst.
I get different food headaches a lot. Lasagne Headache from eating too much lasagne, and Cheese Headache, and some others that all feel distinctly different depending on the type of food.
That's not weird, right?

Anonymous said...

"You’re So Dumb That It Physically Pains Me To Hear You Talk Headache"

And the, uh, "There's Way Too Many People Around Me/Too Much Shit Going Down"

And dehydration. Dehydration is the worrrrst.

That Kind of Girl said...

Oh man, I could go for lasagne headache right now. Also, learned of a new headache this morning: the "Waiting for the bus for half an hour in 20-degree weather while my ears go numb because this California girl didn't know earmuffs were a for-real thing" headache. Yikes. Hopefully won't repeat that one again.

Dani said...

Sinus Pressure Headaches are my most common and hated headache demon, but I also tend to get the "Oh you went to long without remembering to have a cup of coffee" headache. No fun at all.

Anonymous said...

hangover headaches ;) haha

Anonymous said...

I get "I'm Pissed Off" headaches. Sometimes i get o angry my head starts throbbing. it's usually due to unfairness or incredible stupidity in others

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