This Just In: Exposes I should have written

Who doesn't love fake news? I mean, The Onion? Jon Stewart's and Steven Colbert's tongue-in-cheek take on actual news? Being married to a police officer, I've alleviated some of the stress by writing some otherwise overlooked News Articles on my blog starring Officer Mike Honcho, Noah's chosen pseudonym. (Click here and here and here for a sampling.) The best part: They're all true (factually, at least). But there are still a number of exposes I have in the works, but haven't gotten around to writing. Here are the headlines, and the real stories behind them:

Sinister Maintenance Crew Paints Over Dormitory Problem. After graduation, Noah and I worked on our university's paint crew for the summer. I seriously considered calling the newspaper about how awful some of those dorms were. I witnessed atrocities.

Yellow Jackets Launch Jihad in Local Backyard. Apparently these insects build their nests in the ground. Woe to any humans standing near a curious dog near a yellow jacket hole.

Local Officer Goes Above, Beyond to Save Wayward Cat. Our house has several large oaks out back, and when we first moved in one of the cats climbed a tree whose lowest branch was about 30 feet from the ground. Noah rescued her with the aid of several neighbors, a ladder, and a shoddy ad-hoc ladder of boards and nails hammered into the trunk.

Authorities Indict Toddler for Dropping Trou at Inopportune Moment. Ethan is potty training. I've found that the best way to get him to use the potty is to let him go around in his birthday suit. But more than once he's requested to pee in the bushes outside my parents' house.

Local Garden Snake Accused of Earthworm Impersonation. The whole story was chronicled here, but really could have been fake-news style. A household classic.

So, got any good headlines to share?

Posted by Erin at The Fierce Beagle.


Miss L said...

Oh my god, my mom would always say "KEEP YOU BEAK OVER THE PLATE" when my brother and I were eating.

stephanie said...

"Dog Pees on Every Single Step on the Staircase"

not quite as entertaining as yours, but so very true. btw, cleaning stairs one by one sucks.

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