Perhaps Bizarre, Perhaps Horrible Things About Me That I’d Really Like Some Assurance That I’m Not Alone In
CS Lewis brilliantly wrote: “We read to know we are not alone.” Considering his rank as a theologian type dude, I’m guessing his aims were a smidgeon loftier than mine, but, um, guys, can I skip the pretense and just make a few oddball confessions? Then you can be all like, “me tooooo!” in the comments section and we’ll group hug and eat ice cream.
If I don’t lock my bathroom door in the morning, a very short psychopath is going to stab me to death. See, he has to be really short so when you feel creeped out and crack the curtains to peek out, you’ll miss him because you don’t think to look down. Midget Shower Murderer is sneaky that way.
I love to smell people who stand near me in public places. I don’t, like, sidle up to them, but that’s about all I can say in my defense. I think it’s because smell ranks only after taste on the list of senses you have to be really really close to experience, so smelling other humans is a rare experience. But, hey, at least I’m not surreptitiously tasting people, eh?
If you whistle inside, I will punch you in the throat. Apparently whistling is a sign of unbridled happiness and we’re all supposed to do friggin’ cartwheels fawning over the joyous whistler. But it’s so loud and piercing! (And while we’re at it, the laughter of children? Totally overrated.)
I absolutely still stalk my high-school crush’s five-years-ago girlfriend on Facebook. And yet I don’t have time to clean my dang kitchen. PRIORITIES.
In the minute or so before I fall asleep, I often experience incredibly vivid hallucinations. My favorite, when I fall asleep reading: I get too tired to keep my eyes open, so I “magically discover” that my eyelids are invisible and I can “read” through them. Which so often leads to large sections of the Dalai Lama’s memoir taking place in an armored submarine.
Comment! Hug! Ice cream? Or, at the very least, hit me with a few confessions of your own so you don’t feel so alone.
Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
- fun times
- guest post
- wise words