Life is unfair. Full spiritual enlightenment requires decades of meditation, charity work and uncomfortable yoga positions. Total destruction, on the other hand? Always just a split second away. Nonetheless, I’m tempted to do the following on a regular basis:
Gather all my hair in a ponytail and just hack that motha off. It’s taken me four years to grow it to shoulder length – surely one moment of jubilant light-headedness can’t be worth another half-decade of weeping and avoiding cameras.
Quit my job. Honestly, the only thing that prevents me from doing this about twice a week is that I can’t decide the most satisfying way to go. Get my resignation letter sky-written? Show up naked to work one day? Or keep it classic and just tell my boss’s boss to go knot himself? So many bad decisions, so little time.
Send that “brilliant” drunk text. My best friends are contractually bound to dunk my iPhone in a glass of water if I have so much as a sniff of gin. It’s the only way.
Punch a train. There is a 99.999% chance that I’ll end up losing a limb and gaining a Darwin award. Which still leaves a 0.001% chance that right before impact, my arm will morph into a beefy cartoon bicep and I’ll punch the whole train off the dang tracks. I LIKE MY ODDS.
What stupid, irresistible urges do you fight on a daily basis?
Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl
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