People to Whom I Fantasize Administering a Swift Kick to the Balls

Look, I don't condone violence, I'm not a vigilante, and I'm all for the courts doling out justice and whatnot, but there are some people right now that I fantasize about meeting and then after the "hello, how are you," administering a friendly, lead-footed punt to the old nads.  Just one little kick is all.  No prolonged beatings or taking justice into my own hands, just the velvety, hammer-like touch of my size 7 to the nethers. Here they are in no particular order:

Mel Gibson--If you haven't listened to the recordings of his phone conversations yet, there's really no need.  (Let me sum it up for you:  he emotionally and verbally abuses his ex-girlfriend and then literally threatens to kill her.  Insert a little crazy-pants heavy breathing, and bada boom, bada bing, there you go, a Mel Gibson recording.)  I'm pretty sure his career is over (though who knows, since Chris Brown is making a comeback) but just in case it isn't, and just in case he never sees the inside of the!

Tony "I just want my life back" Hayward--He's responsible for countless animal, human, and sea life deaths, has wreaked a disaster that has killed the economies of hundreds of cities and sleepy beach towns, and has wrecked an entire portion of our planet for YEARS.  He even faked pictures of an operation room. WTF?!  Where are my cleats?? 

Child rapists (I'm looking at you Roman Polanski)--I think it's completely inexcusable that Polanski has been able to live without sentence all these years, and has even still been lauded and praised for his work.  I don't care what kind of films he made, or whether or not the girl looked older than thirteen, or whether or not he had a horrible past himself.  Let's imagine for one minute that he's just a "regular" child rapist, one without Hollywood ties and powerful friends.  No one would have put up with his shenanigans for so many years.  It's completely disgusting, and I'm appalled at the way the whole situation has unfolded.  Boom, boom, pow...

Note:  I realize this post is going to probably open a whole can  of worms, so please, let's keep the comments to a dull roar, m-kay?

Posted by The Naked Redhead


Julia said...

I'd like to add to the list:

Dick Cheney

Tom Cruise

All Scientologists

L said...

Ok, Mel Gibson, resounding yes, child rapists, resounding yes, and a running kick I might add...
But Tony Hayward? I understand that he has been nominated the face of the oil spill, but he is not personally responsible for the failings of the drill. Even BP aren't technically responsible, it was Hyundai Heavy Industries who built it for R&B Falcon, who then leased it to BP. Somewhere along this chain, the appropriate safety checks were not carried out and there was no back up plan for what happens when equipment fails at this depth. That is the fault of BP. People lost their lives and loves in a tragic accident, that wouldn't even have happened had global demand for oil not reached a point that it became economically viable to drill wells at such depths.
Tony Hayward is being attacked as being completely responsible, and he's just not. He made callous and insensitive remarks and handled this situation appallingly, but he did not personally kill those 11 people or set out to damage that ecosystem.

magnolia said...

one comment on tony heyward - i'd extend the swift kick in the balls to everyone involved in building that rig with shoddy materials, turning off the alarms that would've stopped the explosion, and all the jack-offs who screwed around for 86 days while my gulf coast was being killed off for a generation.

rant over. this just kills my soul. he wants his life back? i want my homeland back. jerk.

Alison said...

I completely agree to with your list.

My additions:

George W. Bush.

the entire Tea Party.

Perez Hilton.

Sadako said...

I can't believe there are still people who seem to think there are reasons to defend Roman Polanski, too. And they're all such weak ones like, "But the girl's mom wanted money/fame" or "But-but-but the HOLOCAUST!"

Anonymous said...

George W. Bush YES!

S said...

Okay, I'm going to be the person who says that child rapists shouldn't be on the list. It's a serious mental condition to want to do that to a child and it's usually caused by childhood trauma and mental anguish. Yes, I do defend Roman Polanski and he has experienced a great deal of anguish in his life, he is a holocaust survivor who watched the atrocities firsthand and his wife was brutally attacked by Charlie Manson's gang. For one person to go through just one of those events is already traumatic enough but to suffer through the loss of ones wife and unborn child in such a savage manner just adds to said anguish. We shouldn't be giving a swift kick to the balls to those who have problems, yes they made a bad decision to act on those problems, yes it does harm the victim a great deal but in the end most of the time it isn't just cold hearted cruelty that pushes child molesters, it's deep seeded issues. Instead of demoralizing these people, there should be preventative measures taken before something can happen to a child. And yes, while this may sound naive and sympathetic I would like to share that I've come to terms with my own molestation as a child.

Anonymous said...

It's deep-seated, not deep seeded.

Anna W said...


I hate when people make that mistake, lol.

And, S, you're right: you are naiive. Have fun with that.

The Naked Redhead said...

You're right, L, and I thought about that after I posted this...Tony Hayward is about as *personally* responsible for the oil spill as Obama is. However, I do think that as the figurehead of the company, that a little more class and sobriety over the matter would have been appropriate.

And to all, I probably shouldn't be personally giving a swift kick in the balls to anyone...though I still enjoying watching ball kicks on YouTube and AFHM.

Anonymous said...

S, you're 100% right that most people who molest and abuse children in other ways have deeply rooted mental health problems. It's one thing to have those types of problems, to be aware of the fact your sexual desires exist outside the norm, and another to act on them. Human beings have the ability to control their own behavior, mental illness or not.

Anonymous said...

Dov Charney

Oh, and I work for a Child Advocacy Center. And no, child molesters DO NOT HAVE MENTAL ILLNESSES. In fact, most people who do sexual abuse children are not in fact pedophiles. There is an entire spectrum of offender assessments. Just sayin'.

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