Awful Decisions I Habitually Make

Einstein famously defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Yeah, well, dude was super super smart. Personally, I think doing the same stupid thing a thousand times without learning your lesson is just called being human. Here are a few colossally imbecilic mistakes I make at least once a week:

Decide to dump a whole bag of spinach in whatever I'm cooking or eating: I mean, shoot, son, spinach has like zero calories and mad fiber. What could possibly go wr-- oh. Oh.

Examining my outfit for twenty minutes and deciding to wear it without a camisole: See, the outfit looks awesome when you're standing perfectly still, vogue-ing for the mirror. But the second I walk down my apartment stairs, my cleavage starts gaping like a mine shaft. Work-appropriate attire much?

Not peeing before I leave. Anywhere.: As my wise mama always told me, "Always go when you can go, 'cause you never know when you'll want to but can't." Except I do know, Mom. It's ALL THE DANG TIME.

Making that inappropriate joke in mixed company: "Eh, what're the odds someone here's grandmother died of an ingrown toenail?" Murphy's Law puts those odds at 100%.

Not checking the blinds before I walk around my apartment naked: Sadly, I do this one so much that it's less of a mistake and more of a lifestyle choice at this point. At least I give the neighbors something to complain to their friends about, though. "Oh god, you'll never believe what Naked Chick Wearing Yellow Dishwashing Gloves did today!"

I'll give you a hint, guys. The answer is absolutely always "danced around while singing Queen". What dumb stuff do you do on a regular basis, despite knowing better?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl.


Sadako said...

I never pull down my blinds and I like to walk around scantily clad a lot. I never actually see anyone in the buildings across the way so I just assume no one's there. Though sometimes I see people walking around on the roof/balcony areas, and I wonder if they're looking. Then I go back to obsessively checking the Internet.

Katherina said...

My mom insists me to buy curtains Ok, it might make things easier.... but with curtains, I would probably still leave them open, so people will still see me walking around naked.
The compromising part: My apartment is 50% made of big windows... if I have an eye on one side, I can still be watched form the other... :S

Anonymous said...

Um...I totally do the naked Queen dancing thing a lot. Good thing my neighbors are friends of ours. At least I think they are?

Alison said...

I do all of these. Way too often.

And hell to the yes on spinach. It is the story of my life. Eating two fiber bars before the first day of class last semester and thinking I'll be okay? Worst. Mistake. Ever.

magnolia said...

amen a thousand times over to the camisole thing. i've gone so far as to purchase no fewer than 20 camisole tops in every color imaginable, just so i have absolutely no excuse. i have to wear them with almost every dress i own. ridiculous.

Sadako said...

Okay, I'll bite. What does too much spinach do? Give you the runs?

Anna W said...

I take afternoon naps, knowing full well that I won't be able to fall asleep later that night, which will make me tired in the morning, so I will have caffeine, which will make me crash later, wanting an afternoon nap.

Endless, stupid cycle.

That Kind Of Girl said...

@Sadako: Yikes! No! I would never write of such a thing! It just makes me feel uncomfortably full and unhappy with my decisions for a few hours. Or if it's fresh spinach, sandpapers my tongue. Blech.

Esti said...

Leaving the house in shoes that are falling apart because I 'won't be walking that much.' I live in New York City, I should know better.

Also, not putting on sunscreen because it's 4:30 pm and I'll 'hardly be outside.' Ouch.

Caz said...

I eat far too much spinach on a regular basis too. I also don't mind changing in front of our open curtains. Our house is surrounded by a big stone fence, but alas our gate is at a similar aspect to my window, and outside the gate happens to be a busy intersection where cars are regularly stopped for the lights. This annoys the boyf to no end, but I don't tend to care much.

Jade Carver said...

Staying up til 12am, at which point I get hungry, so I get up and get a snack, so by the time I actually get to sleep it's about 1.30am. This makes getting up at 6.30-7am very unpleasant :(

Alison said...

@Sadako--No, no, no. It's an uncomfortable feeling of being so full that inhaling another breath may result in your body exploding. I always feel like I gained about 25 pounds and that I'm going to have an alien burst through my abdomen. Excessive spinach is not my friend.

Sadako said...

OK, thanks, makes sense. I just figured...all the Vitamin C. I've eaten lots of spinach before, but never felt the too full feeling, but then I'm pretty insane about never eating a bite more when I am full.

naomi said...

Inflicting these and this on the hapless beings in my life -- enough said.

Laura said...

Forgetting that I don't like beer when I'm offered it. After the first sip I'm immediately reminded, and then I have to persuade someone else to drink it or just abandon it somewhere. This happens all the time, it's ridiculous.

(And the same thing with crumpets. They always look and smell so appetising, I forget they taste like soggy cardboard.)

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