Remember that stand-up comic character on SNL whose punchline was: "Don't get me started. Don't EVEN get me started"? Well, if you're ever inviting me to a dinner party, here's a handy primer of topics to blacklist, lest the table erupt in a volley of "You shouldn't have gotten her started. You shouldn't have EVEN gotten her started."
Overuse of the word "nerd": So let me get this straight -- I suffered years of psychologically abusive bullying as a kid, and now everyone wants to be a nerd? Hey y'all. Just because you like to knit or you've read the Harry Potter books five times doesn't mean you're a nerd. Talk to me when you've hosted your first couples-only LAN party.
Claiming that waitresses should earn tips instead of expecting them: Look, if you can't afford 18% added to the bill, then you can't afford the meal. Period. If they go above and beyond, feel free to tip more, but unless your waitstaff ruins your life or your pants, they still need that 15% to pay their rent. Express your displeasure with a note to their manager.
People leaving their trash in movie theatres after the show: Why is this the cultural norm? Come on, dudes. Which is easier: one hundred people each picking up one thing? Or a pimply-faced teenager whose life is already hard enough being given twenty minutes to round up a metric ton of melted Milk Duds?
Twenty-somethings who want to write memoirs: Congratulations. Literature is becoming reality television, and you want to be Snooki.
Jon Stewart's stint as an Oscars host: What do all the great hosts have in common? Say it with me now: stand-up pedigree. Jon Stewart's a hilarious guy, but he is in essence a television writer; after a decade of only performing to synchophantic Daily Show fanatics, he just didn't have the experience to handle it when jokes bombed. I -- I can't even keep talking about this. It makes me too angry.
Oh look, I got started anyway. What topics do you have to be physically restrained from going on about?
Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind of Girl.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
- fun times
- guest post
- wise words