Most Delightful Anthropomorphic Snacks


Sadako is a twenty-something New York City denizen. She enjoys children and YA lit, making fun of bad movies, and blogging at Dibbly Fresh.

My favorite snack foods are low on nutritional value but heavy on personality. And the best snacks are anthropomorphic. Here are some of my favorite ones.

Animal Crackers. This traditional anthropomorphic treat is the little black dress of the snack food world. Animal Crackers are what I turn to when I want to feel as timeless and classy as an Audrey Hepburn character. After all, Shirley Temple sang about them and the Marx Brothers used them for a title of one of their films.

Teddy Grahams. I eat them when I want to feel vengeful. Remember when their jingle was an "homage" to Elvis's I Just Wanna Be Your Teddy Bear (Just want to eat those teddy grahams!). Teddy Grahams singlehandly did more to violate the memory of the King than Uncle Jesse, Bubba Ho-Tep and Conrad Birdie combined. I bite off every appendage before finally putting the Teddy Graham out of its misery to make this Nabisco treat suffer for its rock 'n roll sacrilege.

Goldfish. Goldfish historically had no cute faces. So there was no sadistic pleasure of eating "food with a face." But the best part of eating a Goldfish cracker was unleashing the inner old school sideshow geek within me that normally stays dormant unless I'm reading Geek Love or watching Tod Browning's Freaks.

Keebler Elves. I do love me some Keebler. But the inner liberal arts college student in me does rear up, wondering if it's "problematic" to eat a cookie based on little people. (It also rears up when I watch Pit Boss or Little People, Big World. Damned Normal Sized Person privilege.)

Shark Bites. Remember the tagline: Eat them before THEY eat you. I'm a big fan of preemptive measures, whether in nuclear war or in the world of processed foods.

Dunk-a-roos. I love the Dunk-a-roo. Along with the Handisnack, it transforms the eating process into an assembly line that Henry Ford would have been proud of. Plus, the Australians are one of the few remaining cultures we can still stereotype with impunity. (That and my love of marsupials are why I still buy Aussome Hair Spray.)

What's your favorite anthropomorphic snack?

9 comments:

Pip said...

I am eating pretzel goldfish as I type this. What's your favorite flavor of Goldfish? And why don't they do a mix bag of all of the flavors? they'd destroy Chex Mix.

Noelle said...

Aww, I recently became reacquainted with animal crackers. How can something so simple be so satisfying? It's like the ball-in-a-cup of foods!

magnolia said...

cinnamon teddy grahams were my favorite form of gaining revenge on those horrible little things.

Emily said...

Gummy bears! And then I weird people out by eating off their faces first. >.>

Daughter of a King said...

I'm not even sure if they're around anymore, but they used to be fantastic...Koala Yummies! Doing a web search to find them now.

Anonymous said...

Anthropomorphism: Having the form of a man; given human attributes.

Lol but you meant shaped like an animal, right?

OMAIGOSHITZA said...

^ Yes, I believe you meant animal-shaped. =)
And indeed, there are some true delights populating that list! In fact, I adore them all (and the hilarious accompanying commentary!) Shark Bites I don't readily recall, however--were they shark-shaped fruit snacks? The tagline sounds familiar. I can hear a TV announcer saying something similar on a commercial in my head. O.o

Animal crackers (the name of my local pet store, isn't that cute?) are a staple that will never get old. Ahhh, their charming, dimpled forms! My very favorites (and my dog's) are the camels, which always seem to be the rarest shape in any given package. There's just something tremendously pleasing to me about them, despite the fragility of their legs (which makes finding the *perfect* camel all the more satisfying!) ;)

Just a few days ago I found Goldfish sandwich bread, covered in little animal cracker-like indentations and complete with a sweet smile. Needless to say, I cried out, "BUY IT" as soon as I saw my mom making a move for the bag.

Well, Keebler Elves, now they're a real anthropomorphic snack. (Wonder how Shorty and his crew or the Little People family feel about nomming those tasty wee guys?) Teddy Grahams rock; cinnamon might just be my favorite flavor, and I'm not even typically the biggest cinnamon fan.

And Dunk-a-Roos + Handisnacks...oh, forget about it. Those things are amazing. Such sweet, sweet memories of childhood and school lunch periods, they do conjure. I always left enough frosting, cheese, or whatever so that the last cookie/cracker/pretzel stick/etc. would get the most.

The colored Goldfish are my favorites, even though they don't taste any different from the originals (I'm a total sucker for neon.) But I enjoy all of the varieties of most of these snack foods. Not sure why they wouldn't sell multiple flavors together in one bag--just as I have no idea why marshmallow Peeps never come in mixed-color, chick-and-bunny packages.

I also worship gummi bears (and worms and letters and mushrooms and bugs and dogs and cats and every other shape in which a piece of gummi candy has ever been produced...) And a friend turned me onto Koala Yummies. Haven't had any in forever because they're harder to find than pocky, but they are scrump. 6;

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