Non-Awesome Things About my Exes
We´ve all dated a few lemons, right? Riiiight?! Let´s use this as an opportunity to examine all the reasons we´re better off with out them!
- High school boyfriend: Insisted on answering the phone, regardless of what activities we were currently engaged in. Like watching South Park.
- Freshman year boyfriend: Had nether regions that smelled like refried beans.
- College boyfriend: Afraid of talking on the phone to anyone even vaguely authoritative
- Ex-pat boyfriend: Everything was non-awesome, except for his shocking, shocking good looks.
- Travel boyfriend: Everybody thought he was gay. Including me when I first met him.
What were the less than spectacular things about the folks you´ve dated?
Posted by Sarah Von
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8 comments:
AMAZING!
Long-distance boyfriend: Didn't have his driver's license (we lived 1.5 hrs apart)
My ex didn't like giving head. Liked getting it, didn't like reciprocating.
1. School boyfriend #1: after we broke up he bullied me for being 'fat' (I wasn't but he was!)
2. School boyfriend #2: incapable of serious conversation
3. Friend-of-a-friend boyfriend: terrible taste in music, career plan was to be "a rock star", supports peta, very skinny
4. Freshers' Week boyfriend: waaaaay too pushy (the night I dumped him I was on the verge of shouting for one of my male flatmates to throw him out)
5. School boyfriend #2 revisited: had grown long, badly-cared-for hair since our first fling, very insecure (dumped me in case I cheated on him while living abroad)
1. High school boyfriend: was such an ass, his sister asked me why I was going out with him
2. Freshman year college boyfriend #1: liar liar, pants on fire
3. Freshman year college boyfriend #2: loved emo music, and took his own emo lifestyle to the extreme. Also, ended up rooming with high school boyfriend.
4. high school boyfriend & freshman year college boyfriend #2, as friends: placed a sign on their dorm room door that read "the I used to date Erin T. room"
I've only got 1 ex, I've been with my current (perfect) boyfriend for 2 years now though! But that ex... I could just make a list of all his bad points!
1. Sloppy kisser
2. Smoked and coughed a lot
3. Was almost always drunk whenever I saw him
4. Arrogance, wanted to be a rock star. Yeah whatever.
5. Worked too much and could never see me
6. Threatened me physically (luckily was never abusive)
7. Said the 'L' word far far far far FAR too soon.
All this in just a 3 month relationship! Looking at that list though, no wonder it didn't work out.
First serious-ish boyfriend(i was 14, he was 17):
Obsessed with sex, OBSESSED. Lived too far away, getting there on public transport SUCKED. He acted tough, but acutally he cried alot and was a total suckhole. He wanted to marry me, was inlove with me and when i broke up with him for the first time, he cried for 3 days straight.
Second serious boyfriend:
Compulsive pathological liar, told me he had some lung thing because of aspestos and he was going to die soon. Then magically, he was cured and saved. Became obsessed with me like 1st bf, talked about marrying me all the time and how much he loved me. Constantly was with me, 24hours a day for 8 months and i could never get away from him. Ended up cheating on me, then cheating on his new girlfriend, with me. He was crazy, literally, a crazy drug addict alcoholic.
3rd not-so-serious BF: Never showered, EVER. Smoked alot of a pot, liar, BORING boring, BORING. Dumb, couldnt keep up a conversation, low life, jobless, had a weird elf-like penis.
Funny thing is, i never even liked any of them that much, yet i couldnt say no and was trapped with all of them for like a year. Though the first two had there really good points and i did "love" them in a sense.. After MR number 3 (who lasted like 3 weeks), i've learnt my lession.
Hi Sarah: What a fun premise for a blog! I love lists. It makes writing so much easier, too. Instead of a paragraph, just write a list.
My boyfriend list:
1. the really cute one whose car was a dump truck.
2. the smart but unspired one who chose his clothes by rotation method.
3. the all around great one who said about my favorite sweater, "are you really going to wear that?" I ended up marrying that one fifteen years ago.
Hey, no one's perfect. Unfortunately.
Thanks for visiting my blog, Sarah! It was nice to have you.
Sallymandy/thebluekimono
My former best friend boyfriend, was:
1. Way too laid back, you couldn't have a serious conversation without him making a joke or pretending to snore!
2. Always used to talk about his ex, even though he finished with her for me!
3. Couldn't dance, major issue considering we went out every weekend with all our friends.
4. My friends all said it was a bad idea right from the start!
5. We ended up ruining our relationship, mainly because he cheated on me and blamed the other girl!!
My current boyfriend has no faults, and it's nice being able to see just how lame ex's are!!
xxxx
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