Dudes I'd Switch Teams For

Though Alexandra is neither a unicorn nor a socialist, she writes a fantastic blog with the name of Unicorns for Socialism. She loves Target's accessory isle, peanut butter flavored breakfast cereal and tiny packets of real creamer, resting in dishes of ice cubes.

I'm an out-and-proud gay lady, but that doesn't mean I'm utterly oblivious to the swarthy charms of the burlier sex ... although it's somewhat telling that 7 out of 10 dudes I'd switch teams for are fictional characters. And 1 is a cross-dressing woman.
* = Denotes a fictional dude.

(1) Oscar Wilde
We'd make merry at the local opium den, exchanging bon mots with London's drug-addled dandies. Followed by a make-out session by the docks.

(2) Howard Moon* (from The Mighty Boosh)
We'd dress in matching utility shorts and arrange our paperclips into symmetrical hedges. And then sex.

(3) The Phantom of the Opera* (as played by Gerard Butler)
Gerard Butler + Andrew Lloyd Weber + a velvet cape = sexual orientation confusion.

(4) Howard Roark* (from Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead)
OK, so he blows up a building because it doesn't meet his aesthetic standards. But the dude's an architect with orange hair and a rock-hard bod from working in a granite quarry! What's not to love? Am-I-right ladies?

(5) Brian Kinney* (from Queer As Folk)
I'd switch teams for Brian in an instant ... except then he'd have to switch teams for me, and then I'd get befuddled and switch again just to be thorough, and before long we'd be back where we started. Except dizzy. And strangely horny.

(6) Special Agent Fox Mulder* (from The X-Files)
First choice = Scully. But if she's on an alien spaceship or otherwise engaged, Mulder'll do in a pinch.

(7) Barack Obama (President of the United States)
But I’d be thinking about Michelle the whole time. Heh.

(8) Every member of defunct Canadian boy band soulDecision
I can't really explain this one. Their late-90's hit "Faded" just does things to me.

(9) Mulan* (when she's dressed a male warrior)
Do legendary crossdressing combatants count? I'm going with "yes."

(10) Santa Claus*
Two words: unlimited presents. Three more words: cookies and milk. And two more: flying vehicle. Best sugar daddy ever!

Who would you switch teams for?


stina said...

howard moon! swoon!

Anonymous said...

Ha Santa Claus made me laugh :)

Anonymous said...

SOULDECISION!!! As a Canadian and a former boyband obsessed teen, I approve.

Heather said...

I will love David Duchovny as Fox Mulder until the day I die.

A.E. Franzen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alexandra Franzen said...

stina: I'm not sure if I want to date Howard Moon, or just BE Howard Moon. It's a fine line.

courtney said...

your comments about brian kinney made me laugh out loud. i love that dude.

Sarah said...

Howard Roark? The rapist from The Fountainhead? Um.

Alexandra Franzen said...

Sarah: I like to pretend that Howard and Dominique have an extended "off-stage" discussion involving safe words and detailed boundary delineations prior to their mutually-agreed upon fantasy scenario. :)

RazorCandy said...

Dear Brian Kinney:

Please stop making my girlbits do funny things, you are not real.

Love, me.

Jules said...

Thx for the Soul Decision reminiscing...kinda fade but I feel alright...sounds like me...everyday :)

Ronda said...

I had never heard of Soul Decision. But my sister and I have an intense attraction to 90's boy bands and I fell in love with that song immediately.

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