Phrases I'd Be Okay Never Hearing Again

I love words. Love 'em on their own, mainlining them dictionary-style; love them in novels, gchats, billboards. Sometimes when people talk to me, I don't even try to make sense of their sentences -- just let the phonemes wash over me while I gurgle in delight. I'd say I'd never met a word I didn't like, but, I mean, dude, look at all the dogs on this list.

"that made me throw up in my mouth a little": I know, dude, this phrase was funny the first time you heard it, on those "Dodgeball" previews back in aught-four. It was still funny the first couple of times you threw it in conversation. But six years later, the carnage has got to end. Now, everyone says it non-friggin'-stop: babies, grandmas, sex robots. Make it end.

"Do you want me to be honest or do you want me to be nice?": Thanks for asking, but I see you've chosen the rogue third option. By using this phrase, you pack in all the meanness of a brutally honest "you suck!" with the bonus insincerity of letting us know you're prepared to lie about your answer. Man, no wonder I chose you as my confidant!

Snarky: Used in its original sense ("disrespectful or snide"), snarky and I have no beef. The problem is that most people use it to mean "funny" and feel no shame in liberally applying it to themselves. I don't care what synonym you use to do it: referring to yourself as funny is a horrifying breach of conversational etiquette. If your quips are truly snarky, rest assured, you will know by our applause. And/or re-tweets.

"No offense, but...": Hold the phone. So what you're telling me is -- because you preface a statement by telling me not to be offended, I am no longer allowed to be offended by whatever terrible revelation or judgment comes next?! You can tell people how they're not allowed to respond to stuff you do? If so, this is the greatest legal loophole since the Twinkie defense! "Don't sue me, but I just drunk-drove into a school bus." Hey Johnny Cochran. Call me.

"But that's a story for another time": This sounds more like a threat than anything else. Look, Aesop, why don't you just get to the end of this story before I decide whether I want to hear another one of your tales.

Okay, spill, kittens. What's been greasing your linguistic griddles lately?

Posted by: TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl.


Melanie's Randomness said...

I hate the pick up line, "I've been noticing that you've been noticing me". Did we step into Happy Days or something?? lol

That Kind Of Girl said...

Oh man, yes, that one is obnoxious! And its slightly wordier cousin (which I've heard verbatim more than once): "I've noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to let you know I noticed you too." Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!

Chrissy said...

how about: " hey, i thought u were someone i knew"

Chelsea said...

I'm not of fan of "just sayin'" at the end of the sentence.... I know you were just sayin' just said it.

Dani said...

"but then again, what do I know?"
Seriously? If you don't know then don't say anything. I appreciate constructive suggestions but if you are so unsure of what you are saying that you need to qualify it then it's probably not helpful.

The Naked Redhead said...

I haaattte, "I don't mean to sound racist, but...". You know for sure you're about the hear the most awful thing about to come out of anyone's mouth after that. See also, "I don't mean to be rude, but..." and "I don't mean to gossip, but...".

Maureen said...

Oh! I was going to put the "I'm not racist, but" one too! There's a Curb Your Enthusiasm where they talk about the phrase, "That being said..."

Colleen said...

"That's what she said." It's barely funny when Michael Scott says it, and that's only because he's supposed to be socially awkward and annoying.

Literary Crap said...

"In these economic times..."
I saw this on a list of overused phrases that people hate and had to agree. Aren't all times economic? Why is time suddenly economic now? It was economic 10, 20, 100 years ago!

KM said...

"Don't sue me, but..." LMAO I love that one!

Katie said...

"I'm not gonna lie..."
Do you usually lie?

The Peahen said...

No-brainer -- hate!

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