Celebrities Who Can Stop Hitting The Gym And Start Hitting The Twizzlers

My opinion may not be the most popular, but aesthetically speaking, I'm drawn to guys who are -- to use the euphemism that's all the rage on salad dressing labels these days -- full-flavor. Some people just look decidedly sexier with a little meat on their bones. Ignoring the obvious cases (the luminous Ms. Winslet!) and celebrities who are tragically gaunt due to eating disorders (poor Lindsay Lohan -- remember when she used to be beautiful?), here are a couple famous dudes I'd encourage to order their French toast a la mode.

Alec Baldwin. The platonic ideal of a hot older man. Sure in his brash youth he boasted enormous biceps and chest hair you could practically get lost in, but a few years and many pounds later, he looks polished, powerful and utterly beguiling. I'd still get lost in your chest hair, Alec. You just name the time and place.

Alexa Vega. When Alexa Vega first appeared on the scene in Spy Kids (don't judge me) and a few forgettable teen movies, she already had the makings of a striking beauty: gorgeous face, quirky features, dramatic hair. Now she's just another blonde Hollywood preying mantis. Oh what might have been.

Jennifer Connelly. Don't get me wrong: you could dip Jennifer Connelly in mayonnaise and roll her in pork cracklin's and she'd still be a radiant goddess, but I much prefer her when she's looking soft and femininely curvy.

Vince Vaughn. Oh Vince, with your double chin, receding hairline and general air of mugshottiness -- you wear your dishabille like Dior. Like Hollywood really needed just another strong jawline.

Oprah Winfrey. Why do I, in my heart of hearts, prefer Fat Oprah to her intermittently svelter self? Is it that Skinny Oprah wears a lean and hungry look compared to the self-affirming empress she is now? Or perhaps that her weight gain shows her acceptance of her true self? Maybe it's just the fact that she's rich enough to hire a new trainer and personal chef every single day for the rest of her life and girlfriend still can't get any smaller than a size 12. Either way, Oprah, I salute you.

You guys, go eat some onion rings. I promise you'll still be hot afterwards. In fact, they may just make you hotter. Any celebrities you think look mouth-watering when they're carrying a few extra pounds?

Posted by TKOG of Not That Kind Of Girl.

9 comments:

Lil' Bit Sassy said...

I am a very petite woman (4'8" and 76 lbs) but I have to say there are quite a few celebs who seriously need to eat a few cheeseburgers. I agree that some people just look better with some meat on their bones. One that comes to mind would be Star Jones. She looked gaunt and 15 yrs older when she lost her weight.

One Hollywood celeb I am absolutely in lust with is Orlando Bloom. Those eyes, that smile...swoon, but I do believe that even beautiful Orlando needs to eat a cheeseburger once in awhile.

Raggedy Sarah said...

In general I totally agree. But that thinner picture of Vaughn you have there....oh my...

He kind of looks like Dally from The Outsiders. Dally is one character that would make me write fan fiction. With me in it.

As his lover.

The Naked Redhead said...

Love a fluffy Oprah! Also, loves a Lindsay Lohan circa "Mean Girls".

Naomi said...

James Spader. Definitely, definitely James Spader. Also, pretty much the entire cast of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

ML said...

I love big Oprah too. And I wish she loved big Oprah enough to just stay that way because honestly, she DOES have all those resources and if she is still that nice curvy empress size maybe she is just MEANT to be that way. Duh. I'd like it if she communicated that to all the women out there (and boy are there a lot of us) who look like her and are healthy and happy and not meant to be matchstick sized either.
No offense to the matchsticked-sized of course! Everyone can be healthy at a size that is comfy for their body and should be accepted that way.

Jen said...

Wow, I agree with you on every single one of these. Oprah is so radiant now compared to her earlier self. I marvel every single time I see her.

sandyb said...

"Full flavor", eh? Um, loving that. Must use, and will. I'm with you on all of these, expect V. Vaughn. I consider him more adorable as the plump version and more someone-I-would-bang-just-once-if-I-wasn't-a-married-chick as his skinnier self. Either way, I heart him.

Laura said...

I wish more public figures would fight against mass media's glorification of unrealistic body types, if only to relieve some of the psychological burden on our young people. I admire actresses like Kate Winslet, Christina Hendricks, Queen Latifah and Mo'nique for emphasizing health above an absurdly narrow definition of beauty. And I agree that most of us look better with a couple extra pounds, including your the folks you mentioned.

That Kind Of Girl said...

Laura! I love Queen Latifah! Good addition to the list of hot full figures! (Not that everyone on this list is full-figured by any means -- a slightly heavier Jennifer Connelly is still below average weight, I'd wager).

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