Things That Make This Vivacious and Carefree Youth Feel Nigh Ancient

Don’t get me wrong – at 23, I happily recognize that I’m still a dewey-skinned baby with, as a conservative estimate, dozens of happy years (and probably a few total-bummer years) ahead of me. Still, if you’re only as young as you feel, here are a few recent moments that have made me feel like a partially putrefied corpse:

Checking “Ms.” on forms. Because at a certain point, having your utilities bills sent to “Miss So-and-So” flips a 180 and starts suggesting spinsterhood.

Making jokes that require Wikipedia citations. Back when I was an SAT tutor, I thought the five-year age difference between me and my 17-year-old clients made us practically contemporaries. Until the day I made a Lewinsky Scandal joke during class and my kids gave me blank looks. “Ohhhh,” one of them finally groaned. “I think we read about that in our history book.

Watching teen-trash actors of my youth become Oscar heavyweights: Heath Ledger, Will Smith, Ryan Gosling, Leo DiCaprio, Anne Hathaway. Can’t even imagine how decrepit I’ll feel when Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez are up for statuettes.

Going to sleep in the PM hours every Friday night. Remember when Friday was a going-out night? Frig that! After a forty-hour workweek, I’m too exhausted to even stick a DVD in the player. Check the TV listings – let’s see if “Murder She Wrote” is on.

Chat Roulette. The who-what now?! Is it anything like AOL Teen Pool Party Chat 2? Count me out, you crazy kids.

Paying people who are younger than me. At the ripe old age of 23, I haven’t had a hairdresser who was older than me in almost half a decade. At least my doctors aren’t younger than me. Yet.

No longer recognizing faces in the tabloids. Taylor & Taylor? Kortney? Kendra? Who are these people, and am I supposed to care?

Alright, old-timers, grab a cheesecake and meet me on the lanai to kvetch about whippersnappers today.

Posted by TKOG of Not That Kind Of Girl


Chrissy said...

how about making a list of things to do or to buy and then forgetting to look at that list?

Kate @ Tres Lola said...

That's an 'oh my god, yes' to all of the above.

KittenMittens said...

Holy crap, these are exactly the things that make me feel old @24. That and everytime I see a new grad dress every spring, reminds me how long ago my grad was (7! dammit) AND, I don't even get half the text lingo now, I used to know them all but they've expanded like crazy :(

And everybody on my facebook having kids whether they're ready or not. It's like, BOOM Schools done lets procreate now. yeahhhh, no.
Oh, and worse, the kids are in or almost in school now too.

Kids born in 96 have their driver's learners... They were being born and I was singing along to NSYNC.

lol I'll stop now or I'll get really depressed.

Melanie's Randomness said...

EXACTLY!!! I opened 16 magazine & was like Who are these kids?!??!?! I'm 24 but I understand. Friday night is the worse night ever cuz I'm exhausted. I feel ya!

Meg said...

EXACTLY. And also getting Ma'am-ed. I mean, I do appreciate politeness. Because kids these days have no manners! But I'm 22 for cryin' out loud.

And I've never even heard of Chat Roulette. You've apparently done your research.

kathryn-louisa said...

Two words - Justin Bieber - makes me feel ancient. Also, friends getting married. I'm only 21, surely I'm not old enough to have married friends yet?!?


Anonymous said...

Oh my god, YES to the chat roulette thing (What IS that?) and not recognizing people in the tabloids.

Ali said...

Ha! As a fellow 23-year-old, I hear you loud and clear!

Jen said...

I feel the same way about a lot of the things on this list, but I'm also older than you! Yes, you are still a youngin'! I realize, age is relative.

RMb said...

haha, im 26 and can totally relate. you're still a spring chicken by my standards!! :)

That Kind of Girl said...

omg, can I just say that I have literally no idea who or what Justin Bieber is?! Is he anything like Aaron Carter?

kahlia said...

I thought my ignorance of both Chat Roulette and Justin Bieber was due to living on another continent, but now I see it's all because I'm old. I'm not sure which is better...

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