Historical Dudes I Would Totally Lady-Bone For The Sake Of Making A Lame Pun Afterwards

Oh don't look at me like that. The only thing greater than bringing a dude with a Wikipedia entry back to life for a little jam session is having a great parting shot afterwards.

Threesome with Smoot and Hawley: "Thank you, gentlemen! That was quite ... taxing." Also, my pillow talk would consist exclusively of asking Smoot why he didn't just get someone else to sign the dang tax act. Your name is patently ludicrous, sir! A point you will come to realize as I pant it for the next twenty minutes to half an hour!

Honoré De Balzac: Come now. This one just writes itself.

Immanuel Kant: "Sir, you have officially fulfilled your categorical imperative -- to be sexy!" To which he would respond: "I(,) Kant(,) complain about your performance," but because of the syntactical ambiguity, I wouldn't know whether to be flattered or insulted. Thanks for nothing, you Kant!

Nikolai Tesla: "They said you were working on a directed-energy weapon, but this is absurd!" Then, just to toy with his emotions, I'd totally play him with a reference to an electric night with Edison.

Beethoven: "You were just ... Rode to Joy? That's a whole lotta sonata? Wow, you really flipped my Ludwig?" Is it -- is it able-ist that I'm not bringing my A-game 'cause dude wouldn't be able to hear it anyway?

What historical figures would you bring back from the dead to do back to death?! And was Kant really critiquing my performance? Man, I hope not, 'cause if he tells Sartre, he'll totally blow my chance at a sexistential tryst.

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl.


Melanie's Randomness said...

Abraham Lincoln...then i could make theater jokes for the rest of time!! =P

Laura said...

Bwah hahahahahaha! I love them. The Tesla one is my favorite. Reminded me of this: http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=256

That Kind Of Girl said...

I love that Tesla comic! Dude really got pooched by contemporaneous inventors. His history is a sad one!

Also, since we're talking Tesla: have y'all seen the episode of Drunk History about him? (Warning: vom. Double-warning: HILARITY.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1T5gQHa2pq4

Sada said...

I officially love you. (Because before it was unofficial?)

Anonymous said...

Byron. I´d totally do his syphilitic butt.

Eyeliah said...


Ultraparadoxical said...

I would have hook up with Marie Antoinette, French chicks are hot I hear she gives good head... *rim-shot*

and every time I hear Hawley Smoot tariff I immediately think of that kid drooling on his desk in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off".... good times.

...very funny post by the way!

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