Embarassing qualities that make me the world's worst drinking buddy

Even in college, I was never The Drinking Type. And I'm definitely not a Girls Gone Wild type. I'm sadly unversed in all things liquor, so when I do have a drink, things tend to go downhill fast.

Poor drink knowledge. For an adult coming dangerously near to 30, I know embarrasingly few drinks. Apparently there are hundreds of beers out there, but my expertise is limited to about half of what they sell in the grocery store. And cocktails? Cosmopolitans, Long Island Iced Teas, Mimosas, Cranberry and Vodkas, Crown and Ginger....aaaaaand, I'm tapped out. Oh! I once ordered a Mai Tai because it's the first thing that popped into my head, and the bartender served it to me in an iced tea glass, and I stumbled out giggling 20 minutes later.

Recessive Irish genes. Although I'm fully half Irish—like, my Mom has an accent Irish—they only way I can hold my liquor is, well, in a glass. A friend brought the ingredients for Irish Car Bombs to a St. Paddy's Bash we hosted a couple years ago. After two, the cartilidge in my knees liquified and the next thing I remember it was March 18.

Unfortunate Drunk Face. Last year I attended a friend's lingerie shower, which was held in a really lovely downtown art gallery. In addition to a chocolate fountain and more dessert than we could eat, there was an open bar, featuring a signature pineapple vodka that turned out to be vodka that once sat in the vicinity of a pineapple. I had to be held up for the group photo. Luckily, I was already smiling. Er, laughing. Because apparently when I have too much to drink, the world is a very funny place.

Please tell me I'm not alone in being the world's worst drinking buddy. Any confessions to share?

Posted by Erin of The Fierce Beagle


magnolia said...

i used to be this way too - between undergrad and law school, i totally lost my tolerance and became a very ridiculous drunk. then a funny thing happened: i went to law school in louisiana. boy, did that change the course of my drinking life. alcohol is so much a part of life in south louisiana that you can't help but amp your tolerance. how much did three years there change me? i drank an entire pint of rum, plus four beers, plus two cocktails of unknown provenance, on the 4th of july, and was out of the house by 2:00 pm the next day.

wow. i sound like a lush.

Herself said...

Erin, I'm fully Irish, live here, was born here, all 8 great grandparents, 4 grandparents and 2 parents are 100% Irish, I speak Irish, I love Ireland and....

I don't drink alcohol. Ever.

I might be second to you in the running for the worst drinking buddy ever. :)

Katherina said...

Well, my friends must have spent half of their time as Undergrad students trying to figure out what they had done the day before - I wasn't much a help for them, mostly I didn't remember neither. At least we never were alone putting pieces together :)
About 1/3 of my time as an Undergrad still remains unknown...

That Kind of Girl said...

I'm one of those people who holds their booze pretty well: people usually can't tell how tipsy slash potentially drunk I am until I'm seriously gone. But when that happens, uh, look out, 'cause I get belligerent.

Anna W said...

I make a terrible drinking buddy because...

...alcohol makes me fall asleep.

I sleep reeeeeeeally well though, so I drink something if I am having trouble sleeping. Works like a charm!

Alison said...

Terrible drinking buddy? Yeah, 'cause I've never had more than one or two drinks at a time. I'm underage at one of the highest rated party schools in the country, so this is a serious accomplishment.

I would rather rip my hair out than taste beer. Thus far, daiquiris and Jack and Cokes are the only drinks I can tolerate. Which will basically make for the lamest 21st birthday ever.

Anonymous said...

I get gassy when I drink. Hence posting this anonymously. :)

stephanie said...

umm well when i have a few sips (not exaggerating), i turn bright red. like tomato red. and heat radiates from my redness, thanks to my japanese half.

Post a Comment

Blog Widget by LinkWithin

List Lovers Unite

Send an email to listaddicts(at)gmail(dot)com to join the Secret Society of List Addicts
List of Members Secret Society of List Addicts Facebook Group

Top Secret Missives

Enter your details to receive occasional messages from the Secret Society of List Addicts:

Subscribe Unsubscribe