Bad Bus Behavior I Wish Were Punishable By the Death Penalty

Oh, you think I'm being a tad extreme? Funny. I think capital punishment is a bit of a light touch for the following jerkwad bus behaviors:

Swiveling your legs into the aisle instead of getting out properly to let me into the window seat. Because, yes, by a perfect coincidence, my body is exactly six inches wide, so of course I'm in no way self-conscious about scrubbing your entire torso with the back of my skirt while I wriggle between the seats.

Taking up a handicapped spot then spending the ride texting frantically so you don't have to catch eyes with standing passengers who actually need those seats. Who're you texting, kiddo? Your probation officer?

Selecting a new ringtone. I'm super glad you popped for the 32gig iPhone. And have listened to every single one of your three thousand songs out loud. Twice.

Making loud, passive-aggressive comments when it takes the bus driver several minutes to help a passenger with a wheelchair on and off the bus. Seriously, dude?! If the slight hold-up bothers you that much, why don't you just get off and walk? At least you have the option.

Back-of-bus denial. Yeah, nobody likes being forced to stand in the aisle on a crowded morning bus, but for some people, apparently making the two steps up to the back of the bus is a whole new level of torment. This generally results in the front half of the bus being packed like a Green Day mosh pit circa 1995. And the back of the bus as empty as ... well, a Green Day mosh pit circa 2010.

Sticking a wet umbrella on the seat next to you to discourage potential seatmates. I -- I just don't like you, dude.

Then again, maybe it's best we keep these people on buses. Goodness only knows what havoc they'd wreak on the freeway. What jerkwad communter behavior makes you want to call a cab?

Posted by TKOG of Not That Kind Of Girl.


Melanie's Randomness said...

Selecting the new ringtone is soo annoying to me.

Alison said...

The same girl pulls a back-of-bus denial EVERY single day. And one of these days, I'm going to beat her. Because, seriously, it's not that I don't already love standing on the bus. I certainly don't want to feel like I'm grinding on her and whoever is in front of me with every bump we hit. No!

MeganRose said...

This is amazing. I am going to assume you must live in Chicago as this is just the kind of AWFUL things I witness every single day that drive me crazy. Thank you for this post, I am glad I am not alone in my every day bus anger.

Herself said...

Bloody hilarious :)

magnolia said...

gaah, this sounds like bad DC metro behavior too. i would also include "standing DIRECTLY in the doorway, blocking everyone's path, and refusing to move" and "STAND RIGHT, WALK LEFT ON THE G-D ESCALATORS!!!!"

this pretty much describes the central stressor in my life these days...

Suniverse said...

Grr. I hate people who make those wretched passive-aggressive comments. Either go big and be an asshole so everyone can see or shut. up.

TurnToTheLeft said...

I'm in high school and I ride one of the most popular busses home, and you can bet your butt that there's some serious courtesy issues. Pushing, shoving, and squeezing like a mosh pit to get on, people weaving RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU to get on the bus quicker; people refusing to move when trying to get on the bus...the amount of people we get on there is insane. I don't know how I'm going to stand another year of it!

Isisingonthecake said...

I'm from Boston originally (now in upstate NY for grad school) and I was always the person my friends turned to when they wanted to know how to get somewhere on the T. I'm like a bus expert lol… So I'm DYING to know what bus you're talking about! The worst I've been on were the 47 and the 39, where I actually witnessed (and reported to the bus driver) a scary bum swearing and like verbally abusing a kid who looked vaguely middle-eastern! Gackkkk not exactly what i want to be dealing with at 7:45 am lol

That Kind Of Girl said...

@isisingonthecake: I take the 66 bus toward Roxbury every morning. It's got a nice mix of jerkwad college kids, self-absorbed commuters, and early-morning drunkards. I mean, after all, who doesn't want to party it up in Roxbury at 8am?!

Isisingonthecake said...

ohmyGAWD i hate the 66, though never in the morning - always in the afternoon, when the traffic (esp through Allston, god help us all) is disgusting and the yuppies don't want to give up their seats lol. good times, good times. i like reading your blog for the occasional references to local stuffs :) have you seen The Town? are you going to? i used to live around the corner from Fenway and they were literally shooting in my back yard. and ben affleck had his trailer in the alley behind my apartment building. and he was totally there after dark drinking coffee with the crew. no lie. and i readily admit to using my camera's zoom lens to confirm the ben sighting.

kahlia said...

"At least you have the option." Ooooohhhh, damn. Nice one.

I must say that I often witnessed people being considerate to others in offering their seats on the Subway in New York & the Metro in Barcelona. But I think there is a difference between Metro courtesy and bus courtesy, in that people on buses just don't seem to care about others as much. Interesting.

Dude, magnolia, over the 4.5 years I lived in Barcelona I yelled at so many clueless tourists to "Stand right; walk left, please!" They were always surprised by the concept, and thought I was totally rude for pointing it out.
Now I live in a place that doesn't have escalators and the bus drivers are rude, but the other people on the bus are generally very helpful, even to tourists (and there are a lot)... which is a rather pleasant change!

I've heard that in Tokyo they have people whose job it is to physically push more & more people onto the Metro trains during rush hour. That would not be fun!

Carmen said...

My faith in humanity was restored one day in Montreal using public transit. I'm from Vancouver where the bus system has all the evils mentioned above but taking the bus in Montreal is a seriously polite experience.

Everyone lines up at the bus stop and gets on politely and in order. It totally made my day when I was sitting on the bench reading (the first one at the bus stop), all the other waiting passengers lined up nicely and when the bus came they waited for me to get on first! Apparently they do that all the time.

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