People From My Past That I Regularly Googlestalk

Lisa McColgan has maintained a blog ( at Diaryland since 1999, and can't be bothered to move to a trendier platform. She is also a regular contributor to 5x500. She hates cauliflower and water chestnuts.

My best friend from high school. Judy and I first met as chorus members in a summer theatre production of “Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.” In the midst of this runny musical pap, a fast friendship blossomed. We ate at Bickfords a lot (Are there still Bickfords? They were like Dennys, only trashier), and she taught me this game: you take your pack of Marlboro Lights, and you pull off the cellophane, only you stop before it comes off altogether. Put a dime on the cellophane and then take turns slowly burning holes around the dime with your cigarette until the dime drops through the cellophane onto the table. I miss Judy and my searches yield nothing. But I keep trying.

The girl that bullied me all through 6th and 7th grades. She’s another one that hasn’t left much of an internet footprint, which is probably just as well. Nearly 27 years later, she still scares the hell out of me. If she had a Facebook page or something with her picture, I’d probably burst into tears.

Drunken fling from senior year in college. A horrible, embarrassing night of frantic grappling made that much less sexy by the fact that I was wearing overalls and combat boots (it was 1991 – don’t you judge me). He had good hair. Now he doesn’t have any.

Current significant others of ex-boyfriends. I don’t know why I do this. It’s insane. I’m happily married; they’re happily married/involved/whatever. Everyone’s happy. But I get a perverse thrill from finding out they have visible split ends, fat ankles or really crappy taste in music. Because I’m insane.

Who do you still stalk for no discernible reason?


Kalei's Best Friend said...

hey, i still keep an 'eye' out online for my ex bf.. he still is on my messenger and i see him log on and off of his online profile...guess it gives me satisfaction that he is still surfing the net for that 'special' someone and can't find it! lol...

Suniverse said...

I occasionally stalk a good friend who ditched me as a friend. I don't know why. Hopeful schadenfruede?

Anonymous said...

I search for my boyfriend's last ex every now and then, but don't find much. Not totally sure what I'm looking for, just curious I guess.

That Kind Of Girl said...

This is awful to admit, but I live in a state of grim curiosity about -- wait for it -- my Epic High School Crush's high-school girlfriend. It doesn't even make sense. I barely talk to this guy, and I can only guess the last time they talked was six or seven years ago. But I was so absorbed with reading her Xanga and AIM away status messages in high school that I guess I somehow feel, like, involved now.

Oh god. It sounds so awful when I actually admit to it in words.

Alison said...

My boyfriend is good friends with his ex-girlfriend, so I don't need to stalk. But I still regularly read her tumblr, her sister's tumblr, and her ex-boyfriend/my Epic High School Crush's tumblr.

If nothing else, it makes me feel good about my life choices. Mainly because I'm not a twenty-something barista (her and her sister) or a pizza delivery dude/bell boy (the ex-boyfriend/Epic Crush).

magnolia said...

i have definitely google-stalked the ex-girlfriends of my current significant other. he doesn't speak to any of them, and at least two of them are married and mothers. but i still do it, probably to make me feel better about myself.

i am going to hell. no two ways about it.

Lisa said...

I am tremendously comforted by these responses. I'm going to stalk you all.

Anonymous said...

I stalk an ex, a writer who is becoming increasingly well known. I tell myself that I "research" his latest efforts because it makes me happy to know he's earning the success he deserves, but... not really. Secretly I'm hoping to come across a recent pic, info about why his marriage failed, anything. It's demented, I know, but I can't help it.

Anonymous said...

I'm the opposite...I don't care too much about the current SOs of my ex boyfriends, but for some reason, online stalking the ex-SOs of my current SOs is a bizarre hobby. I used to get so mad because I KNEW my boyfriend's ex was doing the same to me, but I wasn't able to really retaliate since all her stuff was private.

Kylee said...

I google stalk an ex prom date/hook up of my boyfriends. We have been dating for 5 years so it definitely holds no relevance to our life together, but did it feel good when her DUI record with her weight and mug shot came up on the google search? Yes, if felt like some kind of heaven.

terra said...

I google stalk my last ex and the ex of my husband. Not sure why. It's just sort, I guess.

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