Seriously Gross Habits I'm Probably Never Going To Give Up

Every once in a while I find myself alone, sipping beaujolais in my apartment and wondering, "Dude, why aren't I an internationally ranked sex symbol?!" Then I remember who I am and just keep drinking. Even if I worked out eighteen hours a day in Louboutins and Alexander McQueen gym shorts, I could never get the job -- I'm like basically grosser than a frat-boy. A few of my most heinous habits:

Demanding details after other people Q-Tip their ears. I wish I could say this is a creepy little (non-sexual) fetish I keep to myself, but my proclivities are so well known that a few of my friends routinely text me pictures of their used Q-Tips.

Blowing my nose in the shower. Dude, that's the magic of the shower! You can do whatever you want in there and you'll still be clean afterwards! A little principle I like to call The Immaculate Congestion.

Constantly trailing blood in my wake. I honestly can't tell you why, but at any given time, there is a 95% chance you'll find at least one gently weeping wound somewhere on my person. The other day I told a friend, "Dude, I hope I never get AIDS" and she immediately cut me off: "I know! You bleed so much!" I'm basically a hazard to myself and others.

Bragging about how totally awesome I am at peeing. What? I'm just super good at it! (And if you're wondering how one can be good at peeing then, dude, we're just not even in the same league.)

So, is it official? Am I completely unqualified to be a human being? Or do you think with a few years of intensive charm school training I might be allowed to once again mingle freely with productive members of society?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind of Girl.


KittenMittens said...

oooooh! I'm guilty of the "immaculate congestion". DOWN THE DRAIN YOU GO! Saves toilet paper :D

Melanie's Randomness said...

I clear my throat alot. I guess I'm phemie. But it's a habit I'm not going to give up.

I wish people would give up telling me that they have to pee or poop. Just say that you have to go to the bathroom. I don't need descriptive words! =)

nikki said...

I'm pretty sure everyone blows their nose in the shower. Amiright?

Also I squeeze blackheads and pick out my bellybutton like there's no tomorrow.

That Kind Of Girl said...

Oh man, I'm all about squeezing blackheads. It's totally my anti-drug.

Laura said...

Oh I'll one-up you on the blackheads. Not only do I get some sort of perverse pleasure from squeezing my own blackheads, but I insist on doing it for my boyfriend as well. I don't just insist that HE does it, but that I do it for him. I have no explanation for my behaviour. He just lets me, he knows I'm weird and for some reason loves me anyway.

I do not, however, blow my nose in the shower. Because it's gross. Like blackheads aren't or something...

Kayla said...

Without a doubt, I pick my nose like none other, and I've been caught on more than one occasion with a finger up my nose.

Also, and this is probably the grossest, I dig out ingrown hairs from my bikini area. I get a weird sorta (non-sexual) pleasure from *finally* getting it out.

And now y'all know way more about me than you ever wanted :)

That Kind Of Girl said...

@Laura: dude, I always thought I was a freak for wanting to squeeze my ex's blackheads, then I read a Raymond Carver story where a chick squeezes her boyfriend's. I subsequently decided it's a normal feminine urge. No one dissuade me of this, please!

Daughter of a King said...

I think it would be a crime to dissuade you from your blackhead squeezing tendencies. I take care of that for my boyfriend too. I think guys are just oblivious to the fact that they need a pore strip every now and again. It's oddly satisfying to accomplish a little pore clearing on his nose.

Alison said...

I LOVE cleaning ear wax out. My boyfriend has super waxy ears that he doesn't clean often. Every few months, he'll let me watch. It's seriously a six q-tip (both ends!) job. And that's not even to the point of my standards of having a q-tip come out clean.

I also love squeezing his blackheads. I love the satisfaction of a big one that kinda curls around because it just NEVER ends!

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