Hey, regular suitors? Get to the back of the line, 'cause before I even contemplate a real-life relationship, I have to plan fantasy weddings to the following men:
Headless Hustle Dancer: What was going through this guy's head, that he found it necessary to attire himself in dress slacks, set up a faded old comforter as a background and HUSTLE HIS FRIGGIN' BRAIN OUT?! Actually, I take it back -- I don't care what's going on in his head. I only care about his magnificent, manly heart.
College Creative Writing Professor: Not only did he look like E from "Entourage" and scrawl sweet, perceptive notes all over my manuscripts, but dude kept an electric guitar in his office. Plus, he taught his dog Italian -- because he "wants her to have a better life than [he] did." Say it with me now: awwwwwww.
Seth Rogen: Obviously. That said, dude, Seth, if you keep losing weight I'm going to have to find a new imaginary boyfriend. Get thee to some buffalo wings, sir!
My Dry-Cleaner: Dude's a taciturn, task-oriented ex-pro boxer with a perfect nose. Every time I compliment him on it, though, he shrugs modestly and shows me his hands, which have been broken so many times they're the size of volleyballs. Dreamy.
Teddy mo-friggin' Roosevelt: Somebody build me a time machine. STAT!
Let's hear it, dudes. Who's your imaginary honey? (Or, in the case of imaginary polygamy -- hot! -- who's in your harem?)
Posted by TKOG of Not That Kind of Girl.
- fun times
- guest post
- wise words