Elements of my dream devil-may-care attitude

If only he knew

The other day I wrote a blog post about all the things my two-year-old does that I'd do in a heartbeat if I could get away with it. Here are the highlights:
  1. When I'm done with things, instead of putting them away, I'm going to start throwing them. Wherever, whenever. Dirty soup spoon? Toss it at the fireplace! Barnes & Noble nook? Fire it at the bed pillows! Empty cup? Throw it over my shoulder!
  2. If ever we need to go anywhere in a timely fashion, I'll have a grand time faffing around, and I might even further forestall our departure by needing to go poop.
  3. I'm also going to start demanding unexpected and incomprehensible things of others. "Noah, will you open this bag of chips for me? No, not over there! I want you to stand on the hearth and open the bag, then pour the chips into my favorite bowl, but don't do the pouring in the kitchen, go get the bowl and bring it back to the hearth. Then I want you to sit and watch me eat the chips. Thanks!"
  4. If I've done something to offend someone else, feigned ignorance is the best policy. Other Person: "Erin, did you just spill that vase of 4,000 decorative marbles?" Me: "What? Nothing."
  5. Farting is never off-limits, and if you ask for a kiss, I might give you one, but I might lean in and burp in your face instead. For spontaneity is the spice of life.
What would you do if you were two?

Posted by Erin of The Fierce Beagle


magnolia said...

i would throw the temper fit i feel like throwing, rather than just passive-aggressively lashing out at everyone around me and pouting silently. i have a really good one brewing.

nikki said...

OK, my four year old has done every single thing on the list. Every other day, I'm ten minutes late to work and EVERYONE knows it's because my kid poops every other morning. And he's not in and out, it takes a lot of concentration and a lot of talking about it. And God forbid I try to go do my thing and get myself ready for work. When he's pooping, he NEEDS me there to talk him through it.

You could add being really open about talking about your poop to the list of things you'd do.

Anonymous said...

My temper fit I have been holding in at work would include walking up to my horrid co-worker and telling her she is a big fat meanine, stupid, i hate her and to just GO AWAY!!!

That would be the best stress realiver!! :o))))

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