New Year's Resolutions You Won't See Me Making

I'm awful at new year's resolutions. There was the year I resolved to stop watching reality TV until the end of the writers' strike. The strike only lasted until February 8th -- by which point I'd cheated and watched, oh, maybe 200 hours of Top Model? After taking a searching and fearless inventory of my personal weaknesses, I've come to this conclusion: I'm awful at self-improvement. So this year I resolve to aim a little lower. Thus, some new year's resolutions you're sure as heck not going to see me making this year:

Eat vegan: Do I like vegan food? Yup! Am I happier, healthier and more energetic when I eat it? Of course. Do I waste that energy running around like a guilt-saddled maniac, devoting countless hours to figuring out what I can eat and how much? SURE DO! Instead: Eat fewer foods that have to, uh, eat food.

Start lifting weights: I admire girls with chiseled arms. I admire them and I fear them. Instead: I dunno, maybe go for a jog? Possibly? And stop hanging out with people who lift weights.

Write the Great American Novel. Instead: Write a pretty good American email?

Stop wasting countless hours of producivity by faffing around on the internet all day. Instead: Restrict internet goof-off time to the office. Nobody really needs me to code invoices, do they...?

Come up with a foolproof organizational system for my mail at home. Instead: Consider starting to open some of my mail, sometimes. If it's not too scary. I dunno. Maybe I'll start that one next year.

How are you NOT resolved to make 2011 the best year ever?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind of Girl.


Anonymous said...

I love the satire of this list! :)

magnolia said...

hahaha - oh, resolutions. i resolve to make sure my laundry nearly always makes it into the hamper. maybe. if i think about it.

nikki said...

Keep a clean house: Instead I will make sure my husband, kid and I always at least have clean socks and underwear, if not pants and shirts. I will make sure that the dishes don't tower more than a few inches above the top of the sink. I honestly don't think I can resolve to do more than that!

That Kind of Girl said...

Oh man, Nikki, I'm going to steal those. Except they're a little too intense for me. How about do laundry, oh, at least once a season -- definitely clean socks and underwear! Make sure there is at least one clean bowl or plate that is not piled in my sink at a time.

BAM! 2011! Best year ever!

GrandeMocha said...

Was the list written on a maxi pad?

hungryandfrozen said...

I love this :) "A pretty good American email" cracked me up, but that aside I more or less agree with all of these. Revolution shmevolution.

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