Reasons My Co-Worker is Going to Get It. And By IT, I Mean Something Bad.

Everyone has that person at work, right? The really, really, REALLY annoying one.  The one who knows everything about anything, who has a grating voice or ridiculously bad personal space issues.  Here are the reasons my annoying co-worker might just be on the business end of a stabbing.

That stinky, stinky lunch.  There is absolutely no reason to bring fish into the workplace.  Unless you are a fishmonger.  Otherwise? You are obviously begging for a beatdown.

Stealing my office supplies.  Look.  I get that sometimes you don't come prepared to jot down a note when you're talking to me.  I understand.  HOWEVER.  We all have access to the same supply closet.  You know where it is.  It's not even locked!  Stop taking my pens!  And stay the hell away from my Post Its.  I will end you.

Making personal calls at your desk.  Sometimes this is unavoidable, as when you get a call and can't quite step away from the common area before the conversation takes a turn for the invasive.  There is, however, NO EXCUSE for you to INITIATE these calls at your desk, particularly when your desk is a CUBICLE!  You have a cell phone.  Use it.  I do NOT want to hear the reason you are going to the doctor.  Although thanks for the warning; I will be extra vigilant with my Clorox Wipes.

Let's hear it: What has that annoying co-worker done to you?


The Empress said...

Oh, co workers. Just came from a meeting. The worst kind? The kind that pretend you can trust them, so they divulge something to you, you say, "this is fun! stuff of my chest!" so you divulge back and BAM!

Next thing you know, your boss wants to "see you."

Crystal said...

I sit far too near to a woman who CONSTANTLY clears her throat. Like every 2 minutes. And not a polite *ahem*, but a violent, rattling, near-yell throat unclogging. We've offered cough drops as a subtle, kind hint, but she declines. This has been going on for YEARS. I think I'm developing a twitch.

magnolia said...

i once worked with a woman who was exceedingly interested in broadcasting her entire course of gynecological treatments via speakerphone conversations with her doctors. that. was. HIDEOUS. and because she was dating the managing partner of our practice group, well, no one could say anything to her. sigh...

Suniverse said...

Empress - Ooooh, how do they have time for that kind of malice? I don't get it.

Crystal - That. sucks. Wow. I would probably lose it one day and just start screaming and stuffing Ricola down her throat.

Magnolia - OMFG. Are you kidding me? Because there is no way that is not disgusting.

RMb said...

i work with a chick who adopts this gravelly voice that she clearly thinks sounds sexy (you know, the whiskey soaked tone) whenever she makes a phone call. it makes my throat hurt just to listen to her. i want to tie her down and force feed her cough drops. she also overly abuses the words "seriously" and "like". i want to tell her boyfriend to buy her a dictionary for christmas.

nikki said...

I work with a woman who takes it as a personal affront if the printer/copier runs out of paper while she's using it. She huffs and puffs and makes sure the rest of us know SHE just added paper.

Suniverse said...

RMb, gah. There's nothing worse than a fake sexy voice. Except, like, overusing, like, seriously. Or like.

Nikki - jesus, that is beyond obnoxious.

That Kind Of Girl said...

Fortunately I don't have any complaints about my (only) co-worker, because she's a dear friend but, oy, can we talk about my boss? Aside from the usual boss atrocities (standing around for twenty minutes complaining about how busy she is, sighing like a martyr every time she's asked to do her job, taking double her allocation of vacation days, etc. -- what's up? do they teach this behavior in boss school?!), she has one quirk in particular that gets my goat:

All day long she blasts an internet radio station that I like to think of as "Wedding You Don't Want To Go To 94.5," that plays the same twenty-five popular-six-months-ago anthems on perma-loop all day. Not only does she feel the need to blast it to us, but before she leaves her office to go to lunch, she locks her screen with the music still blasting so we can't even be free of it while she's gone.

Oh god. I can't even keep typing about this. My twitch is coming back.

Amy said...

A few things that irk me at work:
- 1pm meetings
- I hear Crystal on the coughing thing. We have one of those
- I had 5 new frozen lunch meals thrown out when someone decided to clean out the fridge and not inform people via email. Instead they left a handwritten note on the fridge the day before. I was out that day... and those things aren't cheap!
- Lastly, on a weird note: Someone left 3 bottles of curl styling gel in the Womens restroom...guess in case that bounce in your curls starts to slip mid-day????

Tonya said...

I used to work for this guy who would grab the paper and head to the bathroom for like an hour! Then he'd put the damn paper on MY desk on his way back to his own! Yuck! Poop Paper! He was an ass. He was also a hypochondriac so I used to pretend I was deadly ill all the time and cough on his stuff.

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