Oh Facebook friend, my cherished Facebook friend, allow me to be frank: I have accepted your friendship for any one of a number of good reasons. Maybe I need your address for Christmas cards, maybe I want to stalk your wedding photos, maybe I just think you're a doll. That said, I did not friend you on Facebook to learn more about you. Which is probably a good thing, because 99% of profiles on the site irritate this exceedingly cantankerous old lady. Let's break down the offenders by profile zone.
- Claiming an "interest" you've clearly done only once. Really, you'd call "Making ninja swords out of pickle-bottles and claiming dominion over a sewer grate" an overarching life interest? Really?!
- Including activities that are necessary for human life. Everyone likes sleeping, buddy, but most of us have enough other hobbies that we can fill our facebook profile with things we do while we're conscious.
- Listing two or more forms of exercise. There's nothing actually wrong with this, per se, but look, dude, you and I have nothing to say to each other.
Favorite Quotations: Man, that little gem by your high school AP calc teacher gets wittier every year since gradu--oh, waaaaitaminute.
Music: If you're listing more than thirty bands and they're all in alphabetical order, dude, we all know you just opened up iTunes and listed every single bands you've ever downloaded a demo of on Napster. Come on, dude, if you want people to define you by your taste in music, at least give us a short enough list to actually read through.
Books: Six words: "I'm more of a magazine person." And the lord preserve the tattered fragments of your soul if I see you've listed Cosmo as a book.
Television: Tread carefully, kittens. And when in doubt about whether to include a guilty pleasure, for the love of pete, lie.
Yes, it is the first of the month and I am very grumpy. A feeling I'm going to work through by printing out my frenemies' Facebook profiles and marking them up with a red pen. What fbook profile foibles make your eyes bleed?
Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind of Girl.
- fun times
- guest post
- wise words