Reasons Why I Could Never Be a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

Sadako is a twenty-something New York City denizen. She enjoys children and YA lit, making fun of bad movies, and blogging at Dibbly Fresh.

You guys know about Manic Pixie Dream Girls, right? The quirky, lovable, free spirits who exist to inspire bourgeois stuffed shirts or neurotic layabouts, while not entertaining an inner life beyond what color they'll next dye their bangs.

I myself could never be a MPDG, what with the whole not being fictional and having a life of my own. But even if I were fictional, there are a few things keeping me from MPDG status.

Flowers. The MPDG is the kind of whimsical, fun loving girl who will pick a flower and put it behind her hair, just 'cause. I'm the kind of neurotic, uptight person who will look at said flower, wonder if it has an earwig in it and if at the top of today's menu is eardrum surprise.

Hair. The requisite hairdo for a MPDG is long hair with bangs. Though the average MPDG probably trims her own bangs and still manages to look fly, somehow, I know I'd wind up looking less whimsical and more like an anorexic sheepdog.

Hoodies. I've got a serious lack of hoodies. Per Clementine in Eternal Sunshine and Sam in Garden State, you need one if you want to be an MPDG: nothing says I've whimsical but still hot enough to wear something that disguises my feminine shape like a hoodie.

Garish color sense. MPDGs don't need to be aware of color wheels. They make their own color wheels! But alas, my Project Runway and What Not to Wear-a-thons have made me wary of even pairing black eyeliner with anything brighter than peach lipgloss.

Promiscuity. You've also got to be willing to sleep with people in order to get them to like you (see Clementine) or just be willing to make out with a guy by the copiers to make sure the moment doesn't get too dull (Summer). My Adrian Monk esque fear of strangers precludes this, naturally.

Why would you make a poor Manic Pixie Dream Girl?


nikki said...

Oh man, I'm way to boring to be a MPDG. Though I do own my fair share of hoodies, I can pretty much vouch for every other thing on your list. Especially the hair. My original color cut in a very boring unassuming shoulder-length style. Also, I'm married, these girls are never married, right? I got married at twenty six to the dude I met when I was nineteen. I love the stability and comfort of being married. If I even attempted a MPDG identity, I'd probably be outed as the biggest poser ever.

magnolia said...

i used to aspire to MPDG status, but i've long since come down from the rafters on that one. while hoodies and colorful shirts are fun, and there was definitely a time in my life when my hair was often streaked with loud colors for no apparent reason, that ship has sailed. i'm a lawyer, i'm in a stable long-term relationship with a man i've known over half my life - all of these things pretty much disqualify me.

plus, the whole "lack of depth" thing would be a serious problem for me.

Sadako said...

I don't think they get married, generally, Nikki. Oh wait, Summer does at the end of 500 Days of Summer. Not to the main character, though. I'm not sure if she relinquishes her MPDG status after marriage.

Suniverse said...

I agree - I could never pull that off because ewwww, bugs live in flowers. Or weird nectar issues would happen.

Also, I find hoodies too . . . 14 year old girl-ish.

Sarah P said...

I am under the impression that MPDGs never stop moving and/or doing interesting things. I could never be a MPDG because sometimes I just like to sit and do nothing.

EmilyKate said...

I fart too often.

andrea jean said...

Although I frequently wear hoodies and sport an actual "pixie" haircut, I'm afraid my complete inability to cut loose makes me ineligible for MPDG status. Oh yeah, and I'm not heartbreakingly movie-star gorgeous.

Cleveland said...

Are there any black MPDGs? Because I think that's a pretty big barrier for me.

Sadako said...

Good point, Cleveland. I can't think of a single non white MPDG...

zyzzyva said...

Of course not, 'cause if the MPDG was a different ethnicity, she'd instead be the exotic ambassador/cipher for whatever culture/race/ethnicity the white boy has just now "discovered." Whole other can of worms, there.

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