Yes, yes, I know.  The printed word is dead, long live the internets.  I am [obviously] a fan of writing on the World Wide Web, and I read most of my news and blog updates on my phone or on my computer.

But.

There is nothing like a printed newspaper.  I love getting the newspaper.  Here's why it's better than reading about the financial crisis [or Prince William's engagement] on the computer.

The sheer physicality of it.  There are few things more satisfying than the snap you can create when opening up a section of the paper.  That crisp sound, the fact that it's so big you have to use two hands to get a hearty noise, it's a full body workout.

The ritual.  Picking up the paper from my porch every morning makes me feel like a grown up.  And not just a grown up, but someone who cares what's going on in her world.  Even if I'm just getting the New York Times mostly for the crossword puzzles and the Arts section, there is the possibility that I might read the front page.  Or the business section.  It could happen.

Engaging your mind.  And speaking of the crossword puzzle, there are few things that look and feel smarter than a precisely folded paper with the puzzle boldly staring out at the world, waiting to be solved.  The fact that I sometimes can't even get a word [I'm looking at you, Friday puzzle of 11/5 - what the hell was that about?] doesn't make this any less of a delight.  Plus, while you can technically do crosswords on phones and computers, they aren't nearly as satisfying to finish and it's hard to leave them laying around, showing off.

Reuse and Recycle.  I like getting the paper because I can then recycle it and do something for the planet [what?  I know, I know, just humor me.].  Also, I can use the newspaper in case I need to wrap something, like a gift or a particularly ugly vase that a relative gave me and I can't, in good conscience, immediately donate.

What say you?  Paper or electric?

I'm not much for Christmas-list making these days, to be honest. I prefer to be surprised, and most of what I'd ask for is stuff I can't afford myself, so why would I expect anyone else to buy it for me? Here's my list for the Christmas after that book-I-haven't-written-yet hits the best seller list.

• A set of Emeco Navy chairs
• A Clarisonic for all my facial needs
• A sailboat
• A Chi blow dryer and flat-iron set
• A slightly larger house so I have room for my library
• Two horses, a nice stable, and the land surrounding it

 Holidays are fraught with meaning and memory.  And angst and bitter resentment.  Thanksgiving is particularly hard because there aren't gifts to unwrap or eggs to hunt.  If you are stuck in a group of relatives you find less than palpable, here are some tried and true ways to survive:

Look at that pass! Start talking sports. It's an easy way to get most of the men, at least, to talk about something innocuous.  Also, turn your attention to the Lion's game. Revel in the fact that they and their fans are way more miserable than you.

Help in the kitchen.  If you don't [or aren't allowed to] cook, set the table, wash dishes, take out the trash.  Stay busy. It'll keep you out of the line of fire.

Entertain the kids.  Even if you hate children, their company is far more preferable to listening to your racist uncle or fending off questions from your over-intrusive aunt.  Bring a deck of cards and teach them Go Fish or Texas Hold 'Em. 

Booze/Xanax.  I am not a proponent of self-medication, but . . .

What are your tried and true methods to survive Thanksgiving?

I've been out of the dating game for nearly eight years now (yikes!), but way back in the day there was one relationship that I secretly measured all others against: I had a friend with benefits. I recently read that the Courtney Cox/David Arquette split happened because they were more like best friends than husband and wife, and my first thought was, What the heck is wrong with marrying your best friend? I'll bet a lot of people wish they had.

At any rate, a friend with benefits can be a great thing. He/she can teach you how a lover should treat you in the non-sexy times, as well as what a physical relationship with a little depth can feel like—all without the pressure of  Is This the One? Here's how you know if your friend with benefits is worth it:

Displays interest in you beyond the benefits. If the relationship devolves from fun friend-dates with some cuddling and snogging to plain old booty calls, forget it.

Keeping it casual. The way to maintain the friendship even if/when the benefits part fizzles is to keep a low-expectations attitude. Either one of you could go on to date somebody else—but an affectionate head's up is always appreciated.

The friendship part should probably be established first. My friend with benefits was a longtime buddy, and through a series of events we saw each other in a new light. If you've just met somebody and things get physical fast, chances are high (though not impossible) it'll become a whirlwind romance rather than a lasting friendship.

Do you dudes have any experience with a friend with benefits?


Posted by Erin of The Fierce Beagle

Who here LIKES going to the dentist?  Hm, hm?  Anyone?  I used to like it, until I had to manage a dental office, and now the places just skeeve me out and mostly remind me of a few of the worst years of my life.  So imagine how I felt when I had to go to the dentist recently and:

1. I had to call the office THREE TIMES before I reached someone, because apparently no one answers the phone at "lunch time"...which appears to fall between the hours of 11:30 and 2.

2.  I made sure to specifically ask the office to schedule a longer appointment for me and...

3.  I arrive at my appointment only to find they've not only NOT scheduled me for the allotted time, but the dentist also cannot complete all the work in one day.

4.  The work I was having done is cosmetic and doesn't really work so well with the "let's do it in two stages thing," since, you know, "cosmetic" generally means we're taking the teeth from looking one way to looking another.  So if you do it in "stages" that means some teeth look shitty and other teeth look BLINDINGLY WHITE OH MY GOD THE JESUS AND THE RAPTURE.

5.  The office manager got snippy when I asked if there were any cancellations and if I could please, PLEASE come in for the doctor to finish the rest of the work since, oh, you know, I work with people all day and my teeth currently look like a row of summer corn.  It's my FACE, not a CAR.  You can't just wait for the "right parts" to come in.

Ahem.  Anyway. 

What do you/don't you like about the dentist?

Posted by The Naked Redhead

Parents lie. As far as I understand it, lying's their primary function, right after sending decade-old email forwards, embarrassing you in front of your crushes, and multi-purpose nagging (as my mother would say, "Why else do you think 'mom' is spelled 'N-A-G'?!") When it comes to the ordinary stuff, like Santa Claus or your "permanent record," I was pretty good about seeing through them. But when it comes to the extraordinary lies, well, I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't figure out some of the following until I was in my early teens.

The other day, my husband said, "Titanic was a really good movie until the boat started to sink." He explained that the handcuffing and stress and insane Billy Zane were over-the-top stressful. But here's why I think the film deserves a special place in cinematic history.

Educational about deep sea exploration/treasure recovery. Now I know that it takes a lot of robots to uncover history beneath the sea, and also to never look for treasure in the obvious places.

Kate Winslett's boobies. Cheers for a somewhat curvaceous babe showing skin for a change.

My Heart Will Go On theme song. Because anything that gives Celine Dion an excuse to showcase her full and fabulous vocal range is all right with me. And also the way she beats her chest ferociously whenever she says "heart."

Respect for elders and the art of circuitous storytelling. The 132-year-old Rose kept the crew riveted with her sharp-as-nails historical-personal yarn for upwards of five hours.

A full life is worth more than a diamond the size of your fist. That settles it: The first chance I get, I'm casting this multimillion dollar jewel I've been holding onto into the ocean.

What do you think? Does the best picture winner of 1997 move you to tears of adoration or despair?


Posted by Erin of The Fierce Beagle

Ever been in conversation with someone when suddenly, you're like, "Yeahhh...I can't take this person seriously anymore?"  It's happened to me, and here's usually why:

1.  You're wearing sunglasses.  We're inside.  It's 11 pm.--Sunglasses are for, well, the sun.  While they've become a status symbol of "cool" they're still not meant to be worn indoors.  Unless you're a rockstar, check 'em at the door.

2.  Your pants are tighter than mine.  You're male.--Dudes?  Some of you are super hot, and yes, I've maybe fantasized about what you'd look like with no clothing...but the super skinny jeans?  Those are for ladies, and that's not how I want to see your junk.

3.  When given the choice between chain food and lovely little local shop, you choose chain food.  Every time.--Look, I get that we all have our little addictions when it comes to fast food, but going to the fast food Mexican place, and then bringing that food into a REAL Mexican restaurant (yes, I've seen it)?  Blerg.

4.  You're retiring.  Again.--I'm looking at you, certain athletes and movie stars.  You know who you are.

 What are some reasons you can't take others seriously?
Posted by The Naked Redhead

Hey, regular suitors? Get to the back of the line, 'cause before I even contemplate a real-life relationship, I have to plan fantasy weddings to the following men:

Headless Hustle Dancer: What was going through this guy's head, that he found it necessary to attire himself in dress slacks, set up a faded old comforter as a background and HUSTLE HIS FRIGGIN' BRAIN OUT?! Actually, I take it back -- I don't care what's going on in his head. I only care about his magnificent, manly heart.

College Creative Writing Professor: Not only did he look like E from "Entourage" and scrawl sweet, perceptive notes all over my manuscripts, but dude kept an electric guitar in his office. Plus, he taught his dog Italian -- because he "wants her to have a better life than [he] did." Say it with me now: awwwwwww.

Seth Rogen: Obviously. That said, dude, Seth, if you keep losing weight I'm going to have to find a new imaginary boyfriend. Get thee to some buffalo wings, sir!

My Dry-Cleaner: Dude's a taciturn, task-oriented ex-pro boxer with a perfect nose. Every time I compliment him on it, though, he shrugs modestly and shows me his hands, which have been broken so many times they're the size of volleyballs. Dreamy.

Teddy mo-friggin' Roosevelt: Somebody build me a time machine. STAT!

Let's hear it, dudes. Who's your imaginary honey? (Or, in the case of imaginary polygamy -- hot! -- who's in your harem?)

Posted by TKOG of Not That Kind of Girl.

Yup, I'm a magpie




Um...so I'm usually pretty good at brutally culling through my stuff every six months or so, but I've found that I'll often just randomly save the weirdest things because I can't seem to let it go.  For instance:

A tiny tin box that mints came in--No, this is not even an Altoid box.  It's a box that came from the dentist as a promotional item.  But it's small!  And the top slides!  And one day I might put like, Advil in it or something!

McDonald's toys given to me by a co-worker--These toys are silly.  I know this, and yet I can't help but feel slightly guilty every time I think of throwing them away.  I AM THIRTY ONE YEARS OLD.  I DO NOT NEED HAPPY MEAL PARTY FAVORS.

Any sort of cleverly shaped item--Are you a fun little packet of floss?  Do you have a cute hook on you for convenient hanging?  Can you slide into a pocket with ease?  Yes, I'll keep you.

What random things do you get sentimental about?