How about every single book that they sell at Urban Outfitters? As well as everything the hardback editions of everything ever written by Kurt Vonnegut, David Sedaris, Annie Proulx and Tim Winton?

5. A Membership to a Cheese of the Month Club

Really suprised you with that one, didn't I?

What are you hoping to find under the tree this year?

Though Alexandra is neither a unicorn nor a socialist, she writes a fantastic blog with the name of Unicorns for Socialism. She loves Target's accessory isle, peanut butter flavored breakfast cereal and tiny packets of real creamer, resting in dishes of ice cubes.

I'm an out-and-proud gay lady, but that doesn't mean I'm utterly oblivious to the swarthy charms of the burlier sex ... although it's somewhat telling that 7 out of 10 dudes I'd switch teams for are fictional characters. And 1 is a cross-dressing woman.

* = Denotes a fictional dude.

(1) Oscar Wilde
We'd make merry at the local opium den, exchanging bon mots with London's drug-addled dandies. Followed by a make-out session by the docks.

(2) Howard Moon* (from The Mighty Boosh)
We'd dress in matching utility shorts and arrange our paperclips into symmetrical hedges. And then sex.

(3) The Phantom of the Opera* (as played by Gerard Butler)
Gerard Butler + Andrew Lloyd Weber + a velvet cape = sexual orientation confusion.

(4) Howard Roark* (from Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead)
OK, so he blows up a building because it doesn't meet his aesthetic standards. But the dude's an architect with orange hair and a rock-hard bod from working in a granite quarry! What's not to love? Am-I-right ladies?

(5) Brian Kinney* (from Queer As Folk)
I'd switch teams for Brian in an instant ... except then he'd have to switch teams for me, and then I'd get befuddled and switch again just to be thorough, and before long we'd be back where we started. Except dizzy. And strangely horny.

(6) Special Agent Fox Mulder* (from The X-Files)
First choice = Scully. But if she's on an alien spaceship or otherwise engaged, Mulder'll do in a pinch.

(7) Barack Obama (President of the United States)
But I’d be thinking about Michelle the whole time. Heh.

(8) Every member of defunct Canadian boy band soulDecision
I can't really explain this one. Their late-90's hit "Faded" just does things to me.

(9) Mulan* (when she's dressed a male warrior)
Do legendary crossdressing combatants count? I'm going with "yes."

(10) Santa Claus*
Two words: unlimited presents. Three more words: cookies and milk. And two more: flying vehicle. Best sugar daddy ever!

Who would you switch teams for?

I blame Kate Moss for making me do this. Sure it sounds glamorous but in reality it's really dehydrating and frankly, quite dangerous. The effect of the alcohol is heightened, your drink won't stay cold, it's sweaty and slimy, and inevitably some dirty bastard will try to feel you up and blame the water jets.

2. Getting your hair cut like a celebrity

The amount of times I've happily skipped off to the hairdresser, clutching a magazine tear-out of Jennifer Aniston and returned looking Cher circa 1988 is ridiculous.
Sex on a beach - I don't care what anyone says. It's just total crap. And those people who say it's awesome have obviously never tried it.

3. Throwing parties while your parents are away

Why does anyone ever do this? There's the secrecy, the threat of police, teenagers drinking irresponsibly, the morning clean-up, the awkward conversation with your mother when she asks what happened to the dog's eyebrows...

4. Music festivals

The expectation - fabulous bands, cold beer, wearing gum boots with summer dresses, relaxing in the sun. The reality - Waiting in line to go to the bathroom for four hours, being charged $5 for a plastic cup of water, killer sun burn and your favourite band being cancelled.

What things never quite live up to your expectations?

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Unless I have someone telling me to do that extra 20 sit ups, I'm not going to do it. Unless I pay someone money to get on my back for one hour of the day, I will run 10 minutes on the treadmill and happily slink home to a hot cup of milo and a film. Cause hey, I burned calories. I admit, I do need to maintain my body every once in a while, otherwise, I'll die sooner than need be but I won’t sweat myself silly unless I'm in a class environment.

2. Eating vegetarian

Ok, I don' hate doing this. It's a lot of fun and vegetables take less time to cook compared to meat products but oh - my - god, vegetarian options at restaurants suck ass. And when I'm faced with the option of lovingly slow-braised for five hours *insert meat* or a Caesar salad, the salad looses. Sorry, world.

3. Cleaning my house on a day to day basis

Boring but necessary. I'm one of those people who lets things accumulate over a three month period, tackles it all in four hours, and then needs a nap afterwards. I'm trying to do it every day, but when I get home from work and I see my little pile of jackets/books/computer misc, it's all too easy to dismiss it as a trivial little pile without seeing the big picture.

4. Waking up early

When I wake up at 6am and do something constructive, like exercise or write a blog post, I'm on top of the moon. I've completed an important achievement before midday. I can spend more time doing the things I love. I can eat an awesome, relaxed breakfast. But holy fuck, it is so hard to negotiate with my brain at that hour unless there's no other option. I could blame it on the welcome hug of a warm body in my bed, but it’s my lack of self-discipline. Snooze = loose. And I loose too often.

What do you hate doing that you know is good for you?

Despite the fact that I'm nearly pathologically pleasant, I am very much one of those people who tries not to engage in conversation with strangers. I'm the girl on the bus, listening to her podcasts and avoiding eye contact with you. I'm the girl in the check out line, burying her head in the latest Lucky. This neurosis is based largely on the fact that when I do interact with strangers, I usually hear one of the following things:

1. "Is that your natural hair color?"
Yes, it is. But wouldn't you be a bit embarrased if I told you it wasn't? And you best not be asking me if the carpet matches the drapes!

2. "Can I have some change for the bus?"
I work in a dicey neighborhood, and the door to our building is literally four feet from the bus stop. Drunk dude, I am not giving you 80 cents. I didn't give you 80 cents yesterday, my answer remains the same today.

3. "What's your ethnic background?"
I'm always a bit mystified by this as I'm pretty sure I look exactly like every other Scandinavian Minnesotan ever. Maybe it's the reddish hair? Or my compulsive scarf wearing? Or the fact that my ambient expression is that of a sulky Russian?

4. "Girl, you got booooty!"
Awesome. And here I'd forgotten. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

5. "Smile!"
Again, ambient expression of a sulky Russian. Also? Strangers telling me to smile, shocking enough, makes me grouchy.

What strange things do strangers say to you?

Posted by Sarah Von

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I'm not a total scrooge. Or a complete party-pooper or nay-sayer. I promise! But there are many aspects of modern life that illicit eye-rolls, dramatic sighs and lots of "I'm sorry, I have a previous commitment." A few?

Wedding Parties
Now, I don't mean to say I won't be your bridesmaid. What I mean is that, should I ever walk down the aisle, I have little-to-no interest in forcing my best girlfriends into peach-colored dresses and those dyed-to-match shoes. I'm also nigh-on positive they have little interest in peach-colored dresses.

Baby/Bridal showers
I don't want to open boxes of lingerie in front of my aunts and act scandalized. I don't want to play games involving diapers and baby bottles. I have no interest in eating cookies baked into the shape of a tiny bootie. Again, I will happily attend your shower, but if you attempt to throw me one? You will quickly be de-friended.

Lawn-mowing
I grew up in a house surrounded by an acre of uninterrupted grass, edged by pine trees that required bi-weekly edging. At the tender age of 14, I remember calculating the amount of time my parents spent maintaining this yard (something like 63 hours per week) and deciding that lawn care? Not for me.

Baking 15 different types of Christmas cookies
I'm a cheese girl. A salty and savory type. So it's not really a surprise that I don't go in for excessive cookie baking. One batch of rolled sugar cookies? Yes. A million different types of cookies? So I can get fat and spend all my free time mixing batter? No.

Secret Santa Gift Exchanges
I love my colleagues. Really! But I don't particularly want to spend $5 a day giving them crappy, tiny trinkets that they probably don't want and will re-gift next year. How's about we just close the office early one day and all go out to eat somewhere nice?

Enrolling my (imaginary) children in a million different types of lessons
If I have kiddos and they are particularly bent on dance/French/table tennis lessons, then by all means! Yes! Let's do it! But I don't think I could ever be that mom who spends her afternoons shuttling her children from one practice to the next while the kids quietly hate me for keeping them from their tree fort.

What parts of modern life receive a hearty "No Thanks!" from you?

Posted by Sarah Von

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This list is about the little things that make life wonderful!

1. That Clean Feeling - Having clean, soft hair, getting into fresh clean sheets, the sense of calm that comes from a clean, tidy house, it's a wonderful thing!
2. Healthy Eating - In particular that sense of wellbeing that comes from eating something really good for you, yet delicious at the same time!
3. Sleep - Getting more than usual. An afternoon nap before a big night out, or a luxurious weekend lie-in!
4. Books - Especially trashy reads with very little intellectual value - the perfect Sunday afternoon entertainment!
5. Creating a Song and Dance - If I'm on my own, I love to sing at the top of my lungs and dance around, it's such a boost!

What are your favourite simple pleasures?