Secret Society of List Addicts: November 2009

Things I Want For Christmas

Let's give ourselves over to some pure, unadulteraed consumerism and natter on about all the things we want people to buy for us, shall we?

1. Cutie Patootie Office Accessories
This paper clip bird! A fancy ink pen! A wax letter seal! And maybe, just maybe, The Best Calendar Evar?! (yes, that's the sound of shameless self-promotion that you hear.)

2. A Fancy Lady Closet
I have big plans to paint the interior of my walk in closet leaf green and stuff it with inspiring photos. But for Christmas, I think I probably need some fancy-ass wood hangers, heaps of tiny perfume bottles, glass drawer pulls and an upgrade from my white plastic laundry hamper.

3. A Vacation Somewhere Hot
I've got a $500 flight voucher burning a hole in my pocket and I've been pondering how to spend that. Savanna? The Florida Keys? San Diego? Mostly I don't care as long as it's someplace with sand and water.

4. Book Upon Books Upon Books

How about every single book that they sell at Urban Outfitters? As well as everything the hardback editions of everything ever written by Kurt Vonnegut, David Sedaris, Annie Proulx and Tim Winton?

5. A Membership to a Cheese of the Month Club

Really suprised you with that one, didn't I?

What are you hoping to find under the tree this year?

Posted by Sarah Von

Things That Always Make Me Feel Guilty

Photo Credit

Some big, some small, these are the things that are pretty much guaranteed to bring out the guilt in me!

Accidentally swearing in front of someones child - You know the type of thing, you're in a shop, someone bumps into you and makes you lose your footing, or you drop a fragile item you don't really intend to purchase and that wave of panic that you may have broken it comes over you and you just can't help swearing. Then you turn around to see an angry-looking mother and her giggling 4 year-old who has just learned a new "naughty" word.
Taking the last piece of cake / biscuit, etc. - Particularly at work when someone has brought food in for their birthday, even if nobody else seems interested in it!
Getting something someone else misses out on - Gig tickets that sell out quickly, something limited edition, if a friend really wants it but isn't quite quick enough, I always feel really bad for them.
Being unable to afford the latest charity appeal - I give as much as I can, but even though I really can't afford to give any more, whenever a new cause tries to get some cash out of me and I am unable to oblige, I feel really bad about it.
Accepting gifts etc. when it's not my birthday - I always feel the need to buy a gift in return to even the score!

What makes you feel guilty?

Dudes I'd Switch Teams For

Though Alexandra is neither a unicorn nor a socialist, she writes a fantastic blog with the name of Unicorns for Socialism. She loves Target's accessory isle, peanut butter flavored breakfast cereal and tiny packets of real creamer, resting in dishes of ice cubes.

I'm an out-and-proud gay lady, but that doesn't mean I'm utterly oblivious to the swarthy charms of the burlier sex ... although it's somewhat telling that 7 out of 10 dudes I'd switch teams for are fictional characters. And 1 is a cross-dressing woman.

* = Denotes a fictional dude.

(1) Oscar Wilde
We'd make merry at the local opium den, exchanging bon mots with London's drug-addled dandies. Followed by a make-out session by the docks.

(2) Howard Moon* (from The Mighty Boosh)
We'd dress in matching utility shorts and arrange our paperclips into symmetrical hedges. And then sex.

(3) The Phantom of the Opera* (as played by Gerard Butler)
Gerard Butler + Andrew Lloyd Weber + a velvet cape = sexual orientation confusion.

(4) Howard Roark* (from Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead)
OK, so he blows up a building because it doesn't meet his aesthetic standards. But the dude's an architect with orange hair and a rock-hard bod from working in a granite quarry! What's not to love? Am-I-right ladies?

(5) Brian Kinney* (from Queer As Folk)
I'd switch teams for Brian in an instant ... except then he'd have to switch teams for me, and then I'd get befuddled and switch again just to be thorough, and before long we'd be back where we started. Except dizzy. And strangely horny.

(6) Special Agent Fox Mulder* (from The X-Files)
First choice = Scully. But if she's on an alien spaceship or otherwise engaged, Mulder'll do in a pinch.

(7) Barack Obama (President of the United States)
But I’d be thinking about Michelle the whole time. Heh.

(8) Every member of defunct Canadian boy band soulDecision
I can't really explain this one. Their late-90's hit "Faded" just does things to me.

(9) Mulan* (when she's dressed a male warrior)
Do legendary crossdressing combatants count? I'm going with "yes."

(10) Santa Claus*
Two words: unlimited presents. Three more words: cookies and milk. And two more: flying vehicle. Best sugar daddy ever!

Who would you switch teams for?

Things That Should Be Awesome But Actually Aren't

Lady Smaggle is a lifestyle and fashion blogger at www.smaggle.com who loves swearing, red wine and karaoke.

1. Drinking champagne in a spa bath

I blame Kate Moss for making me do this. Sure it sounds glamorous but in reality it's really dehydrating and frankly, quite dangerous. The effect of the alcohol is heightened, your drink won't stay cold, it's sweaty and slimy, and inevitably some dirty bastard will try to feel you up and blame the water jets.

2. Getting your hair cut like a celebrity

The amount of times I've happily skipped off to the hairdresser, clutching a magazine tear-out of Jennifer Aniston and returned looking Cher circa 1988 is ridiculous.
Sex on a beach - I don't care what anyone says. It's just total crap. And those people who say it's awesome have obviously never tried it.

3. Throwing parties while your parents are away

Why does anyone ever do this? There's the secrecy, the threat of police, teenagers drinking irresponsibly, the morning clean-up, the awkward conversation with your mother when she asks what happened to the dog's eyebrows...

4. Music festivals

The expectation - fabulous bands, cold beer, wearing gum boots with summer dresses, relaxing in the sun. The reality - Waiting in line to go to the bathroom for four hours, being charged $5 for a plastic cup of water, killer sun burn and your favourite band being cancelled.

What things never quite live up to your expectations?

Must Have, Go-to Products That I Can't Live Without

Posted by The Naked Redhead

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I'm kind of a "flitter" when it comes to some of the products I use. I love to try new fabric softeners or foundations, which is why the local drug store is one of my favorite places in the whole world. There are, however, some products that I am a die-hard loyalist for and cannot live without. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Lint Rollers (any brand)--With three animals in my house, I kid you not when I say that I have a lint roller in several rooms of my home, in my car, at work, and sometimes a mini-roller in the purse. "White is the new Black" if I don't get a chance to de-fuzz myself several times a day.

2. Tampax Pearl Tampons--I think it was my own father who told me, "There are products that you scrimp on, like cereal and tissues. Personal hygiene products should never be scrimped on." While this was an odd conversation to have with Dear Old Dad, I took it to heart and am a brand loyalist for my hoo-ha. I think she appreciates my concern.

3. L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara--I've tried many drug-store mascaras and I always come back to this one. It's amazing...ALMOST comparable to DiorShow, which is awesome but I won't buy because I find it to be a ridiculous waste of money (I'd rather just have a new pair of shoes).

4. Men's White Hanes V-Neck T-shirts and Tanks--I really don't know what I'd do without these staples in my drawer. They're great for layering, work-outs, summer, winter, you name it. I go through a couple of packs of each per year. At less than ten bucks (US) for a pack of five, they're a steal. AND, the tanks are cut long! Perfection.

5. Method Best in Glass Cleaner--Cute design, good for the environment, and smells like mint. What else could your surfaces (and nose!) ask for?

What are your must-have products?

My Guiltiest Pleasures

Kate loves biscuits, makes at least five sarcastic comments a day and will tell you that every song she hears is her favorite (and mean it!) She blogs about these, and other things, over at Kate's Irrelevant.

1. Seeing someone trip over
It's mean and slightly inappropriate, but I blame it on an immature sense of humour and my inability to empathise with other peoples misfortune. Fortunately I do hold the ability to keep my laughter to a minimum in such an event, using the very discrete snigger reserved for this kind of selfish enjoyment.

2. Buying something overpriced/unnecessary
Simply because I've had a bad day.

3. Complaining
Brits are born to complain, it comes naturally to us. I relish in this natural talent, and secretly love finding something to whinge about.

4. Fancying Johnny Depp
I'm 17, he's 46. There is no point where such an age difference wouldn't be an issue, yet the crush will continue.

5. Listening to angry songs when I'm in any kind of bad mood
Don't tell me that a play list made up of upbeat, happy songs will make everything better; I'm angry. I'm going to listen to a song with the word 'hate' in the title.

6. The Pussycat Dolls
I'm a rock fan, but Buttons is inevitably catchy. I love them.

What are your guilty pleasures?

Things I Know Are Good For Me But I Hate Doing

Tash blogs about accents, creativity and music over at Little Flutters. Though she currently resides in Washington DC, her heart belongs to Australia.

1. Breaking out into a sweat

Unless I have someone telling me to do that extra 20 sit ups, I'm not going to do it. Unless I pay someone money to get on my back for one hour of the day, I will run 10 minutes on the treadmill and happily slink home to a hot cup of milo and a film. Cause hey, I burned calories. I admit, I do need to maintain my body every once in a while, otherwise, I'll die sooner than need be but I won’t sweat myself silly unless I'm in a class environment.

2. Eating vegetarian

Ok, I don' hate doing this. It's a lot of fun and vegetables take less time to cook compared to meat products but oh - my - god, vegetarian options at restaurants suck ass. And when I'm faced with the option of lovingly slow-braised for five hours *insert meat* or a Caesar salad, the salad looses. Sorry, world.

3. Cleaning my house on a day to day basis

Boring but necessary. I'm one of those people who lets things accumulate over a three month period, tackles it all in four hours, and then needs a nap afterwards. I'm trying to do it every day, but when I get home from work and I see my little pile of jackets/books/computer misc, it's all too easy to dismiss it as a trivial little pile without seeing the big picture.

4. Waking up early

When I wake up at 6am and do something constructive, like exercise or write a blog post, I'm on top of the moon. I've completed an important achievement before midday. I can spend more time doing the things I love. I can eat an awesome, relaxed breakfast. But holy fuck, it is so hard to negotiate with my brain at that hour unless there's no other option. I could blame it on the welcome hug of a warm body in my bed, but it’s my lack of self-discipline. Snooze = loose. And I loose too often.

What do you hate doing that you know is good for you?

Completely Ridiculous Reasons I'll Bawl Like a Baby

Posted by The Naked Redhead

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I'm not a crier. Period. I've actually had friends look shocked when I've cried, and have even had one friend go so far as to ask, "Um, can I hug you?" But there are a few reasons that I will immediately cry...no BAWL...like a baby. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Any animal related tragedy--My mom often tells the story of one Saturday morning when I was about ten and I came rushing downstairs SOBBING. After her initial incorrect guess that one of my brothers had popped me one (not an unusual occurrence, really), she finally dragged out that I had just completed my first viewing of Where the Red Fern Grows. To this day, I can't watch 3/4 of the shows on Animal Planet.

2. Any unexpected kindness or goodness in a person (real or fictional)--Usually if I'm watching a movie and a questionable character suddenly reveals pure motives (anyone catch Glee last night?) I'm DONE. Oh, and don't even get me started on if someone whom I don't really care for or know gives me a hug when I'm angry or upset. DONE.

3. Unsolicited kindness--A few years ago, I was going through an extremely difficult time in my life. Without prodding, one of my friends looked at me for a moment and then out of nowhere said, "You're a good person, you know that?" Sheesh! I'm getting all teary even thinking about it. (BTW, if you're thinking something nice about someone, SAY IT. You never know how much your words can mean to someone in that moment.)

4. Any time one of my friends is broken and hurting--I'm usually the "strong" (read: "practical", "levelheaded", or "bitchy") one in my friendships, but I can't handle it when one of my favorite people bawls in front of me.

5. Getting so angry I could break something--Every once in awhile, I'll get so mad, the tears flow like a river. And then I get more mad because I'm crying. Gah!

What gets your waterworks going?

Weird Things Strangers Say To Me

Despite the fact that I'm nearly pathologically pleasant, I am very much one of those people who tries not to engage in conversation with strangers. I'm the girl on the bus, listening to her podcasts and avoiding eye contact with you. I'm the girl in the check out line, burying her head in the latest Lucky. This neurosis is based largely on the fact that when I do interact with strangers, I usually hear one of the following things:

1. "Is that your natural hair color?"
Yes, it is. But wouldn't you be a bit embarrased if I told you it wasn't? And you best not be asking me if the carpet matches the drapes!

2. "Can I have some change for the bus?"
I work in a dicey neighborhood, and the door to our building is literally four feet from the bus stop. Drunk dude, I am not giving you 80 cents. I didn't give you 80 cents yesterday, my answer remains the same today.

3. "What's your ethnic background?"
I'm always a bit mystified by this as I'm pretty sure I look exactly like every other Scandinavian Minnesotan ever. Maybe it's the reddish hair? Or my compulsive scarf wearing? Or the fact that my ambient expression is that of a sulky Russian?

4. "Girl, you got booooty!"
Awesome. And here I'd forgotten. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

5. "Smile!"
Again, ambient expression of a sulky Russian. Also? Strangers telling me to smile, shocking enough, makes me grouchy.

What strange things do strangers say to you?

Posted by Sarah Von

5 Lists I Need to Write This Week

Photo Credit

Lists are currently helping me run my life more than ever, as my new phone (Palm Pre) has a list making programme themed to look like a Moleskine and it's totally brilliant! As such, here are five lists I'm going to require this week:

Expenses for the next couple of months - November and December are a pretty pricey time of year, and I need to make sure I set enough cash aside for the important things!
Things to pack - I'm going to be away for a couple of nights from Friday, and I always forget something important if I don't have a checklist.
A revised Xmas-buying list - So I can check off who I've already bought presents for and ensure that I don't leave anyone out.
Lunch supplies - I've been taking my own food from home instead of buying lunch at work and it's saved me a lot of money, but I'm running low on supplies now!
Blog posts to write - I'm trying to schedule a few and get ahead of myself for once!

What lists are you writing this week?

Things I Hated as a Kid that I Love Now

Posted by The Naked Redhead

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I think it's funny how passionate kids can be about their likes and dislikes. If you had told me at five that one day I would grow up to love dresses, I might have punched you in the nose. Here's a few things I would have bet my Binky I'd never grow to love:

1. Tights--Ugh, as a kid, I hated how TIGHT tights were, or when I'd hit a growth spurt, and the crotch of the tights would stretch like a spring board at about mid thigh and make me feel like I needed to walk funny. I hated that they were hot and made my feet sweaty. Now, however, I'm kind of the "tights girl" at work. Love 'em.

2. Vegetables--Being a child born to parents who often would say things like, "If you don't eat it for dinner, you'll eat it for breakfast," you might understand my childhood aversion to vegetables. Seriously, cold Brussels Sprouts at 7 am before school will scar a kid for life. Now that I'm a little older and wiser, I've grown to love my greens...and love the healthy payoff. I still do not, however, eat Brussels Sprouts.

3. Nap Time--"But I'm not tiiirrreeed!" I'd say every day, secretly suspecting that my mother only wanted us to sleep so she could have some peace and quiet. BUT, do I even need to explain this hate-to-love transition? Mmmmm...naps.

4. Having My Hair Washed--Look, I have a LOT of hair. So, for a kid who often ran in the woods like a heathen, having my mane washed and brushed out was a pain...literally. Since I've become an adult, though, I may or may not have developed a fantasy that involves having my hair washed by one man and another man doing...well, get your own fantasy.

5. Antique Shopping--I used to hate--HATE--when my mom would drag me into antique stores with her. It was SO BORING. Though I don't go out of my way to visit antique shops now, there is something thrilling about walking into a place full of "one man's junk" and finding a treasure.

What did you hate as a kid that you love now?

My Current Food Obsessions

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As long as I can remember I've always had passing obsessions with different types of food. Usually I end up eating my favourite food of the moment so frequently (and sometimes in such vast quantities) that I get sick of it, and vow never to eat it again. But these foods are all currently in the obsession stage:

Pistachio nuts - I always manage to eat them all in one sitting, no matter how many I buy!
Baby spinach & feta dip - tastes best with water crackers & a glass of white wine
Cheese fondue - I just bought a fondue set the other day, which in hind sight may have been a bit dangerous...
Onion dip - made with reduced cream and onion soup mix of course (it's a New Zealand thing)
Peas in the pod - every summer I eat my weight in fresh peas from the garden, but by the next summer my craving always returns

What are your favourite foods at the minute?

Posted by Bridey

Aspects of Modern Life I Want No Part Of

I'm not a total scrooge. Or a complete party-pooper or nay-sayer. I promise! But there are many aspects of modern life that illicit eye-rolls, dramatic sighs and lots of "I'm sorry, I have a previous commitment." A few?

Wedding Parties
Now, I don't mean to say I won't be your bridesmaid. What I mean is that, should I ever walk down the aisle, I have little-to-no interest in forcing my best girlfriends into peach-colored dresses and those dyed-to-match shoes. I'm also nigh-on positive they have little interest in peach-colored dresses.

Baby/Bridal showers
I don't want to open boxes of lingerie in front of my aunts and act scandalized. I don't want to play games involving diapers and baby bottles. I have no interest in eating cookies baked into the shape of a tiny bootie. Again, I will happily attend your shower, but if you attempt to throw me one? You will quickly be de-friended.

Lawn-mowing
I grew up in a house surrounded by an acre of uninterrupted grass, edged by pine trees that required bi-weekly edging. At the tender age of 14, I remember calculating the amount of time my parents spent maintaining this yard (something like 63 hours per week) and deciding that lawn care? Not for me.

Baking 15 different types of Christmas cookies
I'm a cheese girl. A salty and savory type. So it's not really a surprise that I don't go in for excessive cookie baking. One batch of rolled sugar cookies? Yes. A million different types of cookies? So I can get fat and spend all my free time mixing batter? No.

Secret Santa Gift Exchanges
I love my colleagues. Really! But I don't particularly want to spend $5 a day giving them crappy, tiny trinkets that they probably don't want and will re-gift next year. How's about we just close the office early one day and all go out to eat somewhere nice?

Enrolling my (imaginary) children in a million different types of lessons
If I have kiddos and they are particularly bent on dance/French/table tennis lessons, then by all means! Yes! Let's do it! But I don't think I could ever be that mom who spends her afternoons shuttling her children from one practice to the next while the kids quietly hate me for keeping them from their tree fort.

What parts of modern life receive a hearty "No Thanks!" from you?

Posted by Sarah Von

Simple Pleasures

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This list is about the little things that make life wonderful!

That Clean Feeling - Having clean, soft hair, getting into fresh clean sheets, the sense of calm that comes from a clean, tidy house, it's a wonderful thing!
Healthy Eating - In particular that sense of wellbeing that comes from eating something really good for you, yet delicious at the same time!
Sleep - Getting more than usual. An afternoon nap before a big night out, or a luxurious weekend lie-in!
Books - Especially trashy reads with very little intellectual value - the perfect Sunday afternoon entertainment!
Creating a Song and Dance - If I'm on my own, I love to sing at the top of my lungs and dance around, it's such a boost!

What are your favourite simple pleasures?