Even in college, I was never The Drinking Type. And I'm definitely not a Girls Gone Wild type. I'm sadly unversed in all things liquor, so when I do have a drink, things tend to go downhill fast.

Poor drink knowledge. For an adult coming dangerously near to 30, I know embarrasingly few drinks. Apparently there are hundreds of beers out there, but my expertise is limited to about half of what they sell in the grocery store. And cocktails? Cosmopolitans, Long Island Iced Teas, Mimosas, Cranberry and Vodkas, Crown and Ginger....aaaaaand, I'm tapped out. Oh! I once ordered a Mai Tai because it's the first thing that popped into my head, and the bartender served it to me in an iced tea glass, and I stumbled out giggling 20 minutes later.

Recessive Irish genes. Although I'm fully half Irish—like, my Mom has an accent Irish—they only way I can hold my liquor is, well, in a glass. A friend brought the ingredients for Irish Car Bombs to a St. Paddy's Bash we hosted a couple years ago. After two, the cartilidge in my knees liquified and the next thing I remember it was March 18.

Unfortunate Drunk Face. Last year I attended a friend's lingerie shower, which was held in a really lovely downtown art gallery. In addition to a chocolate fountain and more dessert than we could eat, there was an open bar, featuring a signature pineapple vodka that turned out to be vodka that once sat in the vicinity of a pineapple. I had to be held up for the group photo. Luckily, I was already smiling. Er, laughing. Because apparently when I have too much to drink, the world is a very funny place.

Please tell me I'm not alone in being the world's worst drinking buddy. Any confessions to share?

Posted by Erin of The Fierce Beagle

Look, I don't condone violence, I'm not a vigilante, and I'm all for the courts doling out justice and whatnot, but there are some people right now that I fantasize about meeting and then after the "hello, how are you," administering a friendly, lead-footed punt to the old nads.  Just one little kick is all.  No prolonged beatings or taking justice into my own hands, just the velvety, hammer-like touch of my size 7 to the nethers. Here they are in no particular order:

Mel Gibson--If you haven't listened to the recordings of his phone conversations yet, there's really no need.  (Let me sum it up for you:  he emotionally and verbally abuses his ex-girlfriend and then literally threatens to kill her.  Insert a little crazy-pants heavy breathing, and bada boom, bada bing, there you go, a Mel Gibson recording.)  I'm pretty sure his career is over (though who knows, since Chris Brown is making a comeback) but just in case it isn't, and just in case he never sees the inside of the courtroom...ke-yah!

Tony "I just want my life back" Hayward--He's responsible for countless animal, human, and sea life deaths, has wreaked a disaster that has killed the economies of hundreds of cities and sleepy beach towns, and has wrecked an entire portion of our planet for YEARS.  He even faked pictures of an operation room. WTF?!  Where are my cleats?? 

Child rapists (I'm looking at you Roman Polanski)--I think it's completely inexcusable that Polanski has been able to live without sentence all these years, and has even still been lauded and praised for his work.  I don't care what kind of films he made, or whether or not the girl looked older than thirteen, or whether or not he had a horrible past himself.  Let's imagine for one minute that he's just a "regular" child rapist, one without Hollywood ties and powerful friends.  No one would have put up with his shenanigans for so many years.  It's completely disgusting, and I'm appalled at the way the whole situation has unfolded.  Boom, boom, pow...


Note:  I realize this post is going to probably open a whole can  of worms, so please, let's keep the comments to a dull roar, m-kay?

Posted by The Naked Redhead

Life is unfair. Full spiritual enlightenment requires decades of meditation, charity work and uncomfortable yoga positions. Total destruction, on the other hand? Always just a split second away. Nonetheless, I’m tempted to do the following on a regular basis:

Gather all my hair in a ponytail and just hack that motha off. It’s taken me four years to grow it to shoulder length – surely one moment of jubilant light-headedness can’t be worth another half-decade of weeping and avoiding cameras.

Quit my job. Honestly, the only thing that prevents me from doing this about twice a week is that I can’t decide the most satisfying way to go. Get my resignation letter sky-written? Show up naked to work one day? Or keep it classic and just tell my boss’s boss to go knot himself? So many bad decisions, so little time.

Send that “brilliant” drunk text. My best friends are contractually bound to dunk my iPhone in a glass of water if I have so much as a sniff of gin. It’s the only way.

Punch a train. There is a 99.999% chance that I’ll end up losing a limb and gaining a Darwin award. Which still leaves a 0.001% chance that right before impact, my arm will morph into a beefy cartoon bicep and I’ll punch the whole train off the dang tracks. I LIKE MY ODDS.

What stupid, irresistible urges do you fight on a daily basis?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl

I consider myself fairly self-confident. I'm not down on myself all the time, and there are actually a few things I can do that I'm proud of. But if given the opportunity to steal—or, more benevolently, replicate—other people's talent, here's who I'd go after.

Michael Phelps. The closest thing to a human amphibian.

Alicia Keyes. A voice like silk over gravel.

Barbara Kingsolver. I don't necessarily want to write exactly like her, but I sure wouldn't mind her success as a writer and a dose of her penchant for honesty.

David Sedaris. Because duh. He can break your heart and bust your gut in the course of a 10-page essay.

Misti Pavlov. If I can't own any of his artwork (yet), I'd at least like to be able to paint them myself.

The list could go on. Whose talent do you covet?

Posted by Erin of The Fierce Beagle

I'd say that at my age, I've learned to care much, much less about what people think of me, and not to sweat weird situations too much.  Regardless of my age, however, here are just a few situations where I'll be completely paralzyed by awkwardness.

Parties where I only know the host--OMG how awkward are these situations?  You can't monopolize the host for the whole time, so you're forced to either stand right outside someone's conversation and just HOPE they'll pay attention to you.  Sometimes the host is nice enough to introduce you to another guest, but this can backfire, too.  This situation happened to me recently at a party:  the host introduced me to another couple, who immediately turned and pointedly ignored me as soon as the host walked away.  Blarg.

The old "There's that co-worker I barely know about to cross paths with me" Time-the-Hello Moment--How, as humans, have we been able to endure these overly awkward situations for so many years?  I'm TERRIBLE at them.  I usually blurt out an overly hearty HI or barely speak at all.  The former way makes me look like a crazy-pants, the latter makes me look like an introvert.  Neither way makes me look cool.

When someone else commits a faux pas that I'd be horribly embarrassed about if it were me, but he or she doesn't give a crap--I'm talking to you, Public Nose Picker, Loud Farter, and Inappropriate Language in a Fancy-Pants Place.  Oh man, I turn red for these people and want to hide under the nearest table.  I feel awkward by association.

What situations always make you feel awkward?

Posted by The Naked Redhead

CS Lewis brilliantly wrote: “We read to know we are not alone.” Considering his rank as a theologian type dude, I’m guessing his aims were a smidgeon loftier than mine, but, um, guys, can I skip the pretense and just make a few oddball confessions? Then you can be all like, “me tooooo!” in the comments section and we’ll group hug and eat ice cream.

If I don’t lock my bathroom door in the morning, a very short psychopath is going to stab me to death. See, he has to be really short so when you feel creeped out and crack the curtains to peek out, you’ll miss him because you don’t think to look down. Midget Shower Murderer is sneaky that way.

I love to smell people who stand near me in public places. I don’t, like, sidle up to them, but that’s about all I can say in my defense. I think it’s because smell ranks only after taste on the list of senses you have to be really really close to experience, so smelling other humans is a rare experience. But, hey, at least I’m not surreptitiously tasting people, eh?

If you whistle inside, I will punch you in the throat. Apparently whistling is a sign of unbridled happiness and we’re all supposed to do friggin’ cartwheels fawning over the joyous whistler. But it’s so loud and piercing! (And while we’re at it, the laughter of children? Totally overrated.)

I absolutely still stalk my high-school crush’s five-years-ago girlfriend on Facebook. And yet I don’t have time to clean my dang kitchen. PRIORITIES.

In the minute or so before I fall asleep, I often experience incredibly vivid hallucinations. My favorite, when I fall asleep reading: I get too tired to keep my eyes open, so I “magically discover” that my eyelids are invisible and I can “read” through them. Which so often leads to large sections of the Dalai Lama’s memoir taking place in an armored submarine.

Comment! Hug! Ice cream? Or, at the very least, hit me with a few confessions of your own so you don’t feel so alone.

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl

It's summer in the UK right now, and strawberries are one of my favourite things about summer! Usually I just eat them on their own, straight from the punnet, no sugar, no cream, just fruity yummyness, but sometimes I like to shake things up a bit. Here's some of my favourite ways to eat strawberries, aside from on their own or with cream.

1. Balsamic strawberries - drizzle strawberries with balsamic vinegar, sprinkle with sugar, crack some black pepper over them and allow it to soak in for an hour or so before eating. Delicious!
2. Strawberry daiquiri - So much nicer made with fresh, pureed fruit than with a syrup or mix. Fresh strawberries, lime juice, sugar syrup and rum - it's like a delicious alcoholic smoothie!
3. Strawberry jam (jelly) - It takes an age to make, but home-made jam is so much tastier than the shop-bought stuff.
4. Cream teas - terribly English, scones with sliced strawberries, clotted cream and a pot of tea. Not very healthy, but exceedingly tasty!
5. Strawberry Jelly (Jell-o) - Simply strawberry-flavoured jelly with strawberries suspended in it - great at the end of the season when they start to get expensive as it makes them go a bit further!
6. Strawberries in champagne - or Cava, or just cheap sparkling wine. Add a little strawberry syrup or liqueur and a whole strawberry or two to each glass, and top up with the bubbles. Soaking the strawberries in vodka beforehand adds a nice kick too!

What are your favourite strawberry recipes?

I used to be a pack rat as a kid. I crammed all the furniture, art, knickknacks and posters I could into my tiny bedroom. I even had a wrought-iron basket hanger in one corner. Now I like things streamlined, with a sense of being lived in. I don't mind papers sitting around as long as they're stacked neatly. I don't have a ton of knickknacks, but what I do have on display are things that mean something to me. There are a few things, though, that I keep around just because I adore them.

A map of the universe. This thing is sizeable—it takes up the whole wall between my front door and living room window—and virtually useless, since I don't plan on doing any galactic voyaging in the near future. But I'm an Inner Space Nerd. Plus it's pretty.

A replica steamer trunk full of blankets. Sure I have a linen closet in the hall. Sure I'm much more of a heat person than a cold. But I like walking in the front door and seeing an old-timey chest chock full of cozy.

A sheepskin. I had one when I was a little girl, so when I saw them on sale I had to pick one up. It's draped artfully over a chair in my living room. Although in the dead of winter, I have been known to curl up under it. That baby holds some heat!

I've definitely found that aging is not nearly as terrible as I'd imagined it would be.  In fact, thirty has been a fantastic year, and I'm looking forward to the next decade (where I'll get to do my twenties over but just be less of an idiot about it this time).  However, there are a few "milestones" that aging brings that I am certainly not looking forward to...at all.

Mammograms--I know they're necessary, but helllooo?  Boob squishing machine!  No thanks.

Colonoscopies--Blarg.  It's not even the colonoscopy itself that's bad (you're in a twilight sleep), it's the "preparation" beforehand.  Bah.

Being the Weird Old Aunt--You know, the one that never has kids, enjoys art festivals and rare beers, and talks about her pets ad nauseum?  That'll be me.  Probably is already, and definitely in ten years.

Odd Fat Deposits--That roll wasn't there in my twenties!  I didn't even know you could GET rolls there!

And look, I don't mean to be crass, but...The Graying of My Pubes--Won't that be sad?  I mean, because if your pubes go gray, then you know everything--EVERYTHING--is old. 

What milestones are you dreading?

Posted by The Naked Redhead

Poets have long debated the mystery of feminine beauty. Good news, though! Yon bards can cool it, ‘cause I’ve cracked the code of the top five all-time sexy attributes a female can possess.

A bulky watch on a slender wrist: Something about seeing an old-fashioned men’s timepiece or unwieldy diving watch weigh down a tiny wrist emphasizes the femininity of a girl’s bone structure. Plus, an out-of-place accessory cues the innocent bystander into instant intrigue.

A slightly deep voice: Oodles of girls fake brain-dead giggly simpers, but as far as I know, no girl’s ever intentionally lowered her voice. A throaty tone suggests a girl who’s being genuine, and that’s hot.

Really simple clothes: Y’all can keep your gladiator sandals and bolero coats. Give me a girl in olive green cargo pants and a black tank top any day of the week and I won’t look twice at anybody else.

Kickass calves: If I ditched my semi-vegan diet for cannibalism, deserted island style, the calf would be the first muscle I’d braise and munch: if you’ve got some meat on you, they’re beautifully curvy, but guaranteed to have a solid mouthful of muscle. ...oh, and, uh, they look really good too? I guess?

A book in her purse: Come now. This one’s self-explanatory.

Well, that’s one heterosexual lady’s perspective, anyway. Fortunately, there’s a lid for every pot, so what says all-time sexy to you?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl

As we speak, I'm on day three of a five-day trip to Washington, D.C., and Annapolis, home to the U.S. Naval Academy. While the United States certainly has room for improvement—universal health care anyone? language diversity?—and while I cherish my half-British heritage, there are definitely some things that I love about the U.S.

Topography. Europe is awesome for its cultural centers, but the United States offers just as much in the way of beautiful beaches, majestic mountain ranges, impressive lakes, and amber waves of grain.

Our independent spirit. Regardless of our country's ups and downs, we have some pretty amazing role models in the nation's founders, women's suffragists, and contemporary activists.

Sports. Although we're lagging behind on appreciation of The Beautiful Game, there's something deliciously American about college football in the fall and baseball in the spring.

Hollywood. This one's debatable for obvious reasons, but nowhere else in the world does such glamor and mystery and fame culminate than in the crazy American Hollywood culture.

What makes you love the U.S.? (If, in fact, you happen to.)

Posted by Erin of The Fierce Beagle

It doesn't matter if some people have called me a "hypochondriac" or not, here are a few ways I've almost totally died, for reals.

Wire stuck in eye--When I was eight, I was playing with a fragment of old electrical wire (yeah, don't ask) and I swung it around in a big circle.  Out of nowhere, I swung it right in my face, and the frayed end of the wires got stuck right on my eyelid.  OK, so maybe I didn't almost die, but it was definitely a moment of utter terror.

Deer jumped on car--This really happened to me, and it was super scary, because I was going like, 75 on the freeway, and these deer were stuck in the median and couldn't get out with all the traffic.  One of them panicked and literally jumped on top of my speeding car.  It was awful, for both myself, my car, and the poor deer.

Forced to watch second Twilight movie in theatre--Meehhhh, maybe I didn't physically die, but my brain sure did give up its little brainy ghost.

Ran red light at busy intersection while checking self out in rear view mirror--Dudes, I looked super hot that day, what can I say?

As a child, forced to eat cold zucchini for breakfast--Yeah, my parents had the rule, "If you don't eat it for dinner, you'll eat it for breakfast."  Those crazy adults were NOT playing around.

Posted by The Naked Redhead

Now that Boston's literally shimmering with heat all day, this underpaid dreamer's mind has turned firmly to vacation plans. Here are a few vacations I'd love to take right now, if money were no object.

Lengthy stay in Kiev: Kiev is the exquisite hidden gem of Eastern Europe. The whole city is built on gently rolling hills, its food is a slight improvement on the salty blandness of Russian cuisine, and the people are incredibly kind to tourists. Plus, you need to ride a funicular to get from one level of the city to another. A FUNICULAR!

Working visit to a monastery: I’m not religious, strictly speaking, but isn’t religious tolerance a professional monk’s bread and butter? I think I’d have a lot to gain from the discipline and community-mindedness of the monastery setting. Unless I got kicked out for making too many Sister Act references.

Holing up to write for a few months in India: I’m not even going to pretend this one isn’t about the food. Fifteen ripe mangoes a day! Blistered naan absolutely seething with clarified butter! Coconut curries ‘til you can’t even remember home!

Madagascar: One moderate-sized island houses 5% of the world’s species of animals -- of which, 80% are exclusive to Madagascar! It boggles the mind! Although, on the negative side, I’d be constantly paranoid that one errant sneeze would end up putting a rare species of gibbon on the extinct list. My egregious bad, guys.

Taco truck tour of the Southwest: Fun fact: food sold out of a truck is approximately seventy times tastier than bourgeois wall-and-ceiling food. Double-fun fact: sweet potato tacos. Guhhh.

…so it turns out the only thing I like about vacationing is eating. And/or potentially killing whole species of mammals. That sounds about right. Where would you rather be than work right now?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl

Remember when you were a kid, thinking "I can't wait until I'm 16 so I can...", or "When I'm 18 I vow to..." or "When I'm 21 I'll finally be able to...", etc. Well there are a few childish things I cling to that I really wish I'd grow out of.

Thinking I can just hold it until I get home. Seriously, just go pee in a public bathroom already. I'll thank myself when we get stuck in traffic.

Stop believing those uncomfortable knickers will magically feel better today. You'd think after experiencing the gloriousness of really large granny panties while pregnant, I'd grant myself a little more comfort in the underpants department.

Making the wrong choice at restaurants. I'm the kind of girl who goes for her favorites, but at new restaurants I occasionally misstep and order something that sounds "interesting," and end up hating it. Instead of trying to be fancy and ordering that seafood pasta that tastes like fish water, just go with the spaghetti and meatballs.

Any little quirks you'd like to give the kibosh?

Posted by Erin at The Fierce Beagle