Snapping a rubber band around your wrist every time you begin to obsess over them. In theory, aversion therapy sounds like it might work. In practice? It only guarantees that if by some miracle you do get back together, you’ll have developed some unique sexual proclivities to work around.

Writing letters for nobody to read. They just end up turning into confusing erotica.

Purging your phone and computer of all the saved texts, emails, blog comments, gchats, one-act plays, sexy-whimsical ASCII drawings, etc. Clever in principle, but in order to find all these gems, you’ll have to read them. Cue you, awake ‘til 5am, drunk-dialing your BFF to discuss the implications of an enigmatic sext he sent four years ago.

Hussyin’ up to try to get under someone else. Few activities in life are as forced and unpleasant as shellacking your tear-stained face with make-up and shimmying around a crowded bar. I give it twenty minutes before you sneak out to call the ex and reminisce about Saturdays spent on the couch watching Top Chef marathons in your pjs.

Getting all Carrie Underwood on the ex’s personal effects. Ebay, ladies.

Yes, I have actually tried the rubber band thing. No, it absolutely didn’t work. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever tried to get over an ex?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl

As I watched some super trashy TV dating show the other day, I took in a quick breath when one dude said to his potential date, "Why are you single?  Is there something wrong with you?"  Um, yeah.  Don't do that.  Here are a few other phrases that should be avoided on that fateful first meeting with someone:

1.  "Oh yeah, you know Rachel?  I totally slept with her!"--This phrase was actually said to me on a first date, except he didn't say "slept with", he used another choice word that rhymes with "ducked".  Tool.

2.  "I'm so glad you're in this weight loss program with me!  I was hoping I wouldn't be the only really big one here."--This phrase was uttered by one who is very near and dear to me to someone she had just met at weight loss group.  Thankfully, I wasn't there.  However, even after several times of trying to explain to my near-and-dear-one why her words might have been offensive, she just kept saying, "Well, she was really big!"  Hoo boy.

3.  "Well, I wouldn't want to work in this position forever.  I just think it'd be a great way to get 'in' to the company so I can do what I really want."--I said this during a job interview.  Usually, I'm really good at interviews.  I was WAY off my game for this one.  WAY off.

What other stuff should never be said when you first meet someone?  What are things that have been said to you (or that you've said)?

Don’t get me wrong – at 23, I happily recognize that I’m still a dewey-skinned baby with, as a conservative estimate, dozens of happy years (and probably a few total-bummer years) ahead of me. Still, if you’re only as young as you feel, here are a few recent moments that have made me feel like a partially putrefied corpse:

Checking “Ms.” on forms. Because at a certain point, having your utilities bills sent to “Miss So-and-So” flips a 180 and starts suggesting spinsterhood.

Making jokes that require Wikipedia citations. Back when I was an SAT tutor, I thought the five-year age difference between me and my 17-year-old clients made us practically contemporaries. Until the day I made a Lewinsky Scandal joke during class and my kids gave me blank looks. “Ohhhh,” one of them finally groaned. “I think we read about that in our history book.

Watching teen-trash actors of my youth become Oscar heavyweights: Heath Ledger, Will Smith, Ryan Gosling, Leo DiCaprio, Anne Hathaway. Can’t even imagine how decrepit I’ll feel when Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez are up for statuettes.

Going to sleep in the PM hours every Friday night. Remember when Friday was a going-out night? Frig that! After a forty-hour workweek, I’m too exhausted to even stick a DVD in the player. Check the TV listings – let’s see if “Murder She Wrote” is on.

Chat Roulette. The who-what now?! Is it anything like AOL Teen Pool Party Chat 2? Count me out, you crazy kids.

Paying people who are younger than me. At the ripe old age of 23, I haven’t had a hairdresser who was older than me in almost half a decade. At least my doctors aren’t younger than me. Yet.

No longer recognizing faces in the tabloids. Taylor & Taylor? Kortney? Kendra? Who are these people, and am I supposed to care?

Alright, old-timers, grab a cheesecake and meet me on the lanai to kvetch about whippersnappers today.

Posted by TKOG of Not That Kind Of Girl

I recently came across the site UnhappyHipsters.com (via Sweet Juniper) and man did I get a good laugh. I often admire modern spaces and design ethics, but in reality they always feel so...unnatural...to me. I'm the kind of girl who needs a cushy couch and some honestly aquired patina on her furniture, because I inevitably scuff, spill and stain, and that just does not go with hipster fabulous. In fact, I'd like to rename this post Hipster Fabulous: Pretending to Be Casual But Extremely Specific in Reality.

Shiny floors of reclaimed or painted wood. What I really have is hard-wearing wood laminate, a dog and two cats. If you could see the amount of fur and dirt I sweep up every day, you'd understand why hipsters choose designer no-shed dogs over mutts. It's the floors. Trust me.

Expansive, curtainless windows. Our house has decent, cottage-style windows but our views are of our backyard neighbor's giant dog pen (privacy trees are in the works) and our driveway. Plus, I think one of our neighbors once saw me naked through our sliding glass door (long story); that is to say, our house is not perched atop some remote-but-not-too-remote forested ledge.

Extreme decor. All white home? Lime green cabinetry? Really cool in photos, but not so practical for the set who'd be interested in buying our subdivisional Cape Cod wannabe one day.

Do you guys admire any impractical hipster design?

I recently posted on my blog that I'm now that certain age where I'm pretty good at a few things, but still pretty bad at others.  Here are five more things I'd like to be better at...starting tomorrow:

1.  Walking my dog--The dog and I are super good at walks when it's lovely out, but when it's raining?  Or cold?  Well, we just sit inside, and then one walkless day passes, then two...then all of a sudden, he's a crazy-pants animal and does weird OCD things like walking around the house and opening and shutting all the doors with his nose.  So yeah, I'd like to be better at walking the dog every day.

2.  Getting rid of things I have a feigned sentimental attachement to--Really?  I really NEED to keep those pants because I used to love cargo pants and because I used to love them, I should love them still?  And they're somehow important to my life?  No, TNR, no.  Just donate the suckers already.

3.  Losing touch with people--Yeah, there's Facebook, but I don't spend enough actual time with people who aren't in my immediate circle of friends.  For shame.  I really MISS my old co-workers, but for some reason, I don't ever make an effort to re-connect as much as I should.

4.  Ignoring problems in the hope that they'll just go away--Well, this never works, does it.  Crap.

5.  Moving on from an unhealthy food choice--All the experts say that if you eat something you shouldn't, just forget about it and continue to eat healthily the rest of the day.  But no...I get it into my head, "Well, I ate ONE donut, and that ruins EVERYTHING, so I should just have icecream."  I'm definitely getting better at this one, but that doesn't mean that there aren't days when the only green thing I'll eat happens to be a piece of candy.

What would you like to be better at?  (<--Besides not ending sentences with prepositions?)
Posted by The Naked Redhead

The first time I realized I was a little out of touch with pop culture was in the eighth grade, when one of the popular girls hummed along with the new Eminem single as we worked on a Spanish project. “My name is – my name is – hi! my name is—“ I shot her a haughty glance: “Um, your name is Meghan.”

What can I say? I’m a little out of touch. Here are some other things that the general populace goes (lady) gaga over for reasons I just can’t understand.


Nature: Dude, if you like looking at nature so much, why don’t you take a picture? Oh, oh wait, people have. And those pictures are on the internet. Get a MacBook, Thoreau.

Sex And The City: If I wanted to spend my evenings watching desperate 30somethings with questionable wardrobes, I’d just hit TGI Friday’s happy hour after work.

Clubbing: So let me get this straight. Not only do you want me to shell out $15 for a Dixie cup of vodka and Kool-Aid while listening to music I hate and rubbing myself on the general populace’s sweaty torsos, but you want me to pay for the pleasure?! And what’s the best-case scenario? You spend half an hour gyrating with some guy who, for all you know, doesn’t know the difference between “your,” “you’re,” and “yore” and spend twenty minutes counting his genital warts as you give him a handj in the back of a towncar? Pass.

Indie Rock Ballads: Okay, your songs don’t rhyme. I get that much. But is irony dead? Or were we saying that ironically? Holy god, is irony a zombie?!

Men With Visible Muscle: Whenever I hear a chorus of girls “ooooh!” over Channing Tatum’s ripped physique, I feel like a redneck in a modern art museum. So the bumpy abs and grapefruit calves, this is what we’ve decided male beauty is? I’ll play along, but when they have their mouths closed, all men are about the same to me.

What do people drool over that you just can’t get your head around?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind Of Girl.

In recent years prime-time TV has mostly fallen off my radar. But, as a true movie lover, I've found TV on dvd to be an excellent compromise. Unfortunately, that usually means it's too late to join the fan club. Here are the gems I've recently discovered:

Glee. Okay, so this one isn't exactly old news, but I didn't see a single episode until my mother-in-law showed me the finale to the season premiere on dvd. I had no idea that this show was a mashup of Second City and Broadway. Closeted and not-so-closeted nerds, sharp humor, mostly realistic teen angst, all set to music? Um, YES PLEASE.

Alias. This one is way old—I mean, who knew Bradley Cooper wasn't new to the game? Aside from me. Seriously...anyone? Also, Jennifer Garner as Sydney Bristow has reignited my hidden desire to be a kickboxing-spy-literature-professor.

Battlestar Galactica. Until a few months ago, I only knew this show as a punchline on The Office (it's Dwight Schrute's fave). But then my uncle-in-law loaned us the first season on dvd. I cannot stress enough how much I love this show. Great characters, great story, and outer space. Sign me up.

Deadwood. Like most HBO shows, I'd heard about it but never seen it. Then my bro- and sis-in-law gave us season one for Christmas. I love me some historical fiction. Disclaimer: This one is majorly vulgar and crude. If you can get past the f-bombs, there's some mighty fine writing and acting going on.

Freaks and Geeks. If only I'd known, I would have watched it and help boost the ratings to keep this stellar show on the air. A single season of pure greatness.

Help a sister out—what shows do you recommend?

We all know that the regular post-ers on SSoLA have a thing for lists besides the times that we post them on here (as do you, intrepid readers).  On that note,  I thought I'd give you an ACTUAL list I just made five minutes ago on a trusty Post-it:

1. Boric Acid
2. Distilled Water
3. H202
4. Acidophilus
5. Garlic

Here's another I made yesterday:

1.  Ceasars-Jerk it Out
2.  The Bravery-An Honest Mistake
3.  Ting Tings-Fruit Machine
4.  The Killers-Somebody Told Me
5.  Heloise and the Savoire Faire-Odyle
6.  The Verve-Bittersweet Symphony
7.  Franz Ferdinand-40

OK, here's what we'll do.  Mad props if you can guess why I made at least one of the lists.  BONUS mad props and a shout out to you if you can guess why I made both lists.  (BTW, these lists are completely and totally unrelated, so don't try to make any weird connections.  Though, honestly, that could be fun.)

SO...why was I making these lists?
UPDATE: OK!  Both lists have been guessed.  Mad props to both ally and K-Tee who guessed that the first list is a homeopathic remedy.  In fact, they are a few items listed as helpful for balancing vaginal pH.  HA!  Aren't you glad I posted this list for you all?  And that I was making a list like this in the first place?  YAY!


Mad props to Andrea for guessing the second list, which is indeed a workout playlist I'm considering putting together after I heard these songs on Pandora.


Mad props to all of you for playing! :)
Posted by The Naked Redhead

Lately I've been on a DIY bent. And only partially because I quit my job and am 50% poorer than I was last month. I've been redoing our spare room and making it into a home office/creative space (that sounds really pretentious, doesn't it? crap...) but there are a number of other crafty things I want to make, and I can't really say why. Especially since most of my projects end in disaster. Nevertheless:

A sunburst mirror—So 70s, such a fun combo of sharp edges and curvy circles. But I don't want to pay the big bucks for one, since they're back in vogue.

A terrarium—I've been seeing these around on design sites and etsy lately. Guys, until I started reading up on them and paying attention, I didn't even know my yard had moss for the picking!

A chicken coop—I'm not particularly fond of chickens (there's something decidedly un-cuddly about birds, plus I had a bad experience with a lovebird once) but my friend Dan has been raising them (incidentally, they seem to be plotting against him...again with the untrustworthiness) and I've been inspired to build an amazing coop and enjoy fresh eggs. Plus, their poop is a great fertilizer!

A cake stand (or two)—Twasn't till adulthood that I came to appreciate the delectability of sugar and flower covered in sugar and butter. Since cakes/cupcakes have become a staple, I do a disservice by eating them right out of the pan instead of selecting a morsel from a lovely cake stand.

Custom matching covers for all my hundreds of books

What about you? Feel like making anything?

The Boyfriend and I really enjoy watching terrible movies.  And by "terrible" I mean, completely ridiculous, laughable, and usually insulting to one's intelligence.  Also, fantastic.  Here are a few of my favorites:

Steven Seagal in URBAN JUSTICE! (must be said with RAISED FIST!)--Did you all know that Steven Seagal writes, produces, directs and stars in his own movies?  Like two or three a year?  And they're all completely and utterly horrible (but awesome)?  In this movie, Steven Seagal and Eddie Griffin are doing something the ghetto.  I'm not real sure what exactly they're doing, but Steven does his best to be a hard-ass and offend every cultural group in existence. The problem is, he's so bad at being offensive, that it just ends up being hilarious.  Yay for Steven Seagal movie nights!

Hot Rod--Andy Samberg's Evil Knieval like movie is a mish-mash of weird humor ("cool beans!") 80's forest-dance-fight sequences, and Samberg's trademark WTF-is-happening? moments.  Loved every minute.

The Brothers Solomon--Will Forte and Will Arnett make up the Brothers Solomon, and they're the biggest idiots you can possibly imagine.  They decide to fulfill their father's dying wish to have grandchildren, well, with having children.  Did I mention they're idiots?  Such bad/goodness.

Yor, Hunter from the Future--Here's the line from the poster:  "He is from a future world, trapped in prehistoric times, searching for his past."  Poor guy!  Must be rough.  Yes, it's one of those half-prehistoric, half-futuristic crazy movies from the 80's that features terrible dialogue, laughable special effects, and of course, lots and lots of gratuitous nudity.  Awesome.

Any movie from our childhoods that we'd watch on endless loop (hello, Karate Kid!)

What are your favorite So Bad It's Good Movies?

Posted by The Naked Redhead

Alec Baldwin. The platonic ideal of a hot older man. Sure in his brash youth he boasted enormous biceps and chest hair you could practically get lost in, but a few years and many pounds later, he looks polished, powerful and utterly beguiling. I'd still get lost in your chest hair, Alec. You just name the time and place.

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2. Sooz from the UK version of As If - I loved that show, and I totally adored Sooz' style!

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Photo Credit

Who is your "hairspiration"?